“My Boyfriend Says He’s Not Sexually Attracted to Me”: How to Reignite that Spark and Strengthen Your Connection

"My Boyfriend Says He's Not Sexually Attracted to Me": How to Reignite that Spark and Strengthen Your Connection

What’s Up? What’s The Issue?

Hey Soul Bonding Love,

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year now. He’s my best friend, we enjoy each other’s company, and everything is great – except one little thing that he just dropped on me.

Throwing in some backstory here, our relationship was never really that physical to begin with. Sure, we would have our moments and make-out sessions in the beginning but things kinda tapered down with time.

I wasn’t too worried because I just thought maybe he’s not that into PDA. Plus we were both sorta shy about the whole ‘first time’ thing since we’re each other’s first real relationship.

But recently he just blurted out that he’s not sexually attracted to me. Just like that, out of nowhere! He was quick to add though that he still loves me and wants to be with me, which frankly isn’t making sense to me right now.

At first, it felt like a stab in my heart because well… who wouldn’t feel hurt hearing their partner say something like this? It put so many doubts in my mind and made me question everything from my body image to my self-esteem.

I don’t want to pretend it doesn’t hurt because it does – a lot. While I know physical attraction isn’t everything in a relationship, it feels impossible not to be affected by his words.

What makes matters more complicated is that I can’t simply write him off as being mean or insensitive because I know deep down how much he cares for me — from remembering all the little things about me to going out of his way countless times — there has always been clear signs of love.

But now every time we’re together there’s this nagging thought reminding me about how he doesn’t find me sexually attractive which dampers all the otherwise good times.

I’m torn between ending things (because honestly who wants such baggage?) or staying with him and trying work it out; maybe his feelings will come around? Or maybe what we have transcends the physical?

The uncertainty is eating at me…


Lost & Confused

The Raw And Honest Truth I Would Give To My Little Sis…

If you were my little sis, I’d tell you that your emotions are completely valid. Feeling hurt and doubtful about yourself after hearing something like this from your partner is absolutely natural.

But, remember, you are more than your physical appearance or sexual attractiveness for someone else. Don’t let anyone’s words make you question your self-worth or body image. It is essential in any relationship to know that you’re worthy of love the way you are.

Sis, relationships rely on so many factors – emotional compatibility, shared interests, and physical attraction are among them. While it’s true that a relationship doesn’t solely depend on sexual attraction, it does play a significant part.

Your boyfriend saying he loves you but isn’t sexually attracted to you could be confusing. It might be important for both of you to figure out what this means for the future of your relationship.

Honest communication needs to become your best friend here. Ask him outright what he exactly means when he says he’s not sexually attracted. Ask him how this will affect the romantic aspect of the relationship. Does he see this as a temporary thing? Or is it a long-term issue?

This will not only provide clarity but also allow him to express his feelings fully without any inhibitions. This open dialogue might even lead him to understand better what his emotions really mean and maybe even navigate them.

If things don’t improve after honest conversations, then perhaps consider if this is a deal-breaker for you. Nobody can decide that for you but yourself.

Ending things might feel difficult now because there are clear signs of love from his end; however, it’s crucial that we walk away from situations where we’re not fully accepted or loved – physically included.

It’s tough dealing with such confusion – balancing between seeing someone’s love versus feeling rejected at some level – but remember to prioritize yourself in all circumstances.

Always rooting for ya!

Let’s get a deeper analysis, though…

Deep into the Heart of ‘Not Attracted to You’ Statement

First things first, let’s clear the air. When your boyfriend says “I’m not sexually attracted to you”, it can feel like a punch to the gut. It’s okay to feel hurt, confused and even angry. But let’s break down what he might really mean.

In my experience as a relationship therapist, when someone says they’re not attracted to their partner, it rarely means they find them physically unappealing. Instead, it could indicate a struggle with deeper issues within themselves or about your relationship dynamics.

Could it be Emotional Disconnect?

One possibility is that it might not be about physical attraction at all – but rather an emotional disconnect. Your boyfriend may be feeling distant emotionally and misinterpreting this as a lack of sexual attraction. Ask yourself if there have been changes in his behaviour or mood outside of your romantic life.

You need to look beneath his words and explore whether there’s been a drop in shared experiences or if he has become more withdrawn lately.

Is He Dealing With Personal Issues?

Also consider that he might be dealing with some personal issues that have nothing directly to do with you or your attractiveness. For instance, stress from work, personal insecurities about body image or performance anxiety can often manifest as sexual disinterest.

It may be helpful for him to seek professional help such as counselling if this is the case.

The Impact of Routine and Familiarity

Long-term relationships often lose their initial spark due to routine and familiarity – after all, we’re human! What starts off as fiery passion can simmer down over time.

When he says ‘I am not attracted’, maybe what he really is trying achieve is rekindling that lost excitement in your relationship?

Navigating Communication Gap

Often times these kind of statements are coded language for something else entirely; an inability to communicate something deeper or more complex about his feelings.

So instead of jumping directly into damage control mode, ask him gently but firmly: “Can we talk about why you’re feeling this way?”

Remember: A calm conversation focusing on ‘his feelings’ rather than ‘your hurt’ will make it easier for both parties involved.

So dear reader: Take heart! An honest declaration like this isn’t necessarily the end – sometimes it’s a call for help; sometimes it’s just a poor choice of words; sometimes it signifies underlying issues needing attention.

And remember – always ensure open lines communication no matter how difficult the topic may seem! Your love deserves truthful expression and so do both individuals involved.

My Boyfriend Said He Is Not Sexually Attracted To Me: What Next?

What was said has been said… so what next?

React Wisely to the Revelation

Firstly, don’t panic. Such revelations can be emotionally challenging, but reacting calmly will help more than any knee-jerk reaction. Remember, his attraction or lack thereof doesn’t define your worthiness or attractiveness.

It’s essential to understand that physical attraction isn’t everything in a relationship and love isn’t skin-deep.

Navigate Your Emotions Carefully

It’s natural to feel hurt, confused and even rejected but try not to let these feelings consume you. Acknowledge them but don’t let them cloud your judgement or actions in the relationship.

You are still you; beautiful, unique and deserving of love. Be patient with yourself as you navigate through these emotions.

Investigate Further: Is it You or Is it Him?

Before making any decisions, try to determine whether this is a problem with him or is it something about the relationship? If he’s been under stress or experiencing health issues, this could be affecting his sexual drive.

If he insists it’s specifically about you though, then perhaps there are other elements at play that need addressing.

Communicate Openly About How You Feel

Open communication is vital in navigating through this tough time together. Be honest about how his revelation made you feel – without blaming him for being honest with you.

Approach this discussion with maturity and understanding; remember that both of your feelings matter equally.

Consider Professional Help: Seek Counselling

A professional therapist can provide an impartial viewpoint into your situation and guide both of you through this difficult time effectively – often revealing perspectives neither of you might have considered previously.

Couples therapy, in particular, can help foster better communication between partners.

Evaluate Future Prospects: To Stay Or Leave?

This might be a tough decision to make especially when emotions run high after a revelation like this one – Do I stay? Do I leave? But remember it’s just as critical for Your Happiness and Well-being. Have an honest conversation with yourself – Will staying make me happier in the long run? Or do my future prospects look brighter if I move on?

Taking Good Care Of Yourself First!

Amidst all these discussions and decisions, don’t forget to take care of yourself! While a partner’s support is important in our lives–it’s crucial not forgetting we are our own best cheerleaders! So take some time off dating if required – reconnect with friends & family…Pamper yourself!.

You Might Need To Go In Another Direction…

The truth is, all relationships require work and continuous communication. I’ve been there, feeling like I’m struggling, but not knowing exactly why. What if I told you there’s a fun and interactive way to gain clarity on what you’re looking for in a relationship?

Meet the Dating Connect Card Game.

For me, this game isn’t just about having fun.

It’s a comprehensive guide that covers all aspects of dating, from that initial flutter in your stomach to the hard work of building a long-lasting relationship.

What I love about it is the range of questions and prompts. It’s like having a relationship coach right there on your coffee table.

But it’s not all just fun and games. This game is backed by science, incorporating techniques used in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), and mindfulness.

It pushes you to reflect on your own values, priorities, and preferences.

I’ve also found that in the process, I’ve gained a greater clarity about what I’m looking for in a partner and what I have to offer.

Here’s the best part…

With each game purchased, a part of the profits is donated to Feeding America. So while you’re discovering more about yourself and relationship, you’re also contributing to a good cause! 👌

Perfect for any occasion, I’ve found the Dating Connect Card Game to be the perfect gift for dads, boyfriends, and couples, whether it’s Father’s Day, an anniversary, or just a regular Tuesday. It’s more than just a game, it’s a tool for communication, a love language translator, and a heartfelt gesture, all in one neat package.

Further Advice…

If your boyfriend said he’s not sexually attracted to you, it can be a challenging situation. Let’s explore some resources that may help navigate through this issue.

Firstly, understanding the root of the problem can bring about meaningful dialogue. He might be experiencing a decrease in interest due to various reasons. It could be stress, or maybe there are deeper issues at play. The article “Is my boyfriend still attracted me” could provide some insight into this matter.

Secondly, it’s important not to let his words affect your self-esteem. Explore the post “My boyfriend said I’m average looking” for tips on how to cope with these feelings and remember that your worth is not defined by anyone else’s view.

Thirdly, having conversations about attraction and needs in a relationship is crucial. You might want to check out “My way or His way: How to Balance Respect and Independence in a Relationship”. This gives advice on striking a healthy balance and communicating effectively.

Lastly, if things don’t improve despite your best efforts, possibly consider parting ways as discussed in “What should I do if my boyfriend jokingly says he wants to break up with me”. It is essential for both parties in a relationship to feel valued and desired.

Remember that you deserve respect and understanding in a relationship. Don’t forget to take time for yourself and prioritize your feelings as well.

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