What’s Up? What’s The Issue?
Hey Soul Bonding Love,
I’m really struggling right now and I’m hoping somebody can help me out here. My boyfriend of two years, let’s call him Mike — that’s not his real name, by the way — dropped a bombshell on me last night that’s got me all sorts of twisted inside.
You see, we’ve been living together for about eight months now and it felt like we had gotten into the comfortable part of dating. You know what I mean? Not so much roses and candlelit dinners (though those are great), but more like Netflix marathons in PJs snuggled up on the couch with pizza on Fridays… my kinda perfect.
Well, last night as we were settling into bed – I in my unicorn onesie complete with unicorn slippers (oh yes, no shame here!) and him in his boring plain grey tee – he turned to me with that serious look you know something isn’t right with. So naturally, I pressed pause on “The Queen’s Gambit” wondering if he had some deep concern about world economics or climate crisis. But what he said shook me to my core.
“I’m not attracted to you.”
Like a punch to the gut! And not because he meant physically – although that didn’t exactly feel great either – more because it was out of nowhere! What happened to our comfort zone? Who is this person in my bed saying such hurtful things?
I asked him if there was somebody else and he said no – just that over time his feelings have changed. Now don’t get me wrong – chemistry changes over time; less butterflies more security blanket kinda love. But this? This feels cruel and completely blindsided.
So, what now? Do I move out? Do we try talking it through? Is therapy an option at this point?! How do you make someone attracted to you who says they aren’t anymore?
Feeling totally lost,
UnicornOnesieGirl
The Raw And Honest Truth I Would Give To My Little Sis…
If you were my little sis, here’s what I’d tell you:
Firstly, you’re allowed to feel how you’re feeling. It’s not every day someone you care about deeply hits you with a freight train of hurtful honesty. So give yourself permission to feel it all. The confusion, the hurt, the anger… it’s all valid.
But what I want to remind you of is this: your worth and attractiveness aren’t determined by anyone else – not even Mike. In fact, no one has the power to determine that but yourself. Let’s remember that attraction is complex – it’s not just about physical appearance but also emotional connection, shared values and interests.
Communicate with him. This conversation happened and there’s no undoing it, but there’s always more room for understanding. Ask him what changed. Don’t come from a place of desperation – seeking for ways to change yourself so he finds you attractive again – rather seek clarity for your own understanding.
This can be an extremely delicate situation though – if he decides to get really honest about why his feelings changed that could escalate things into another level of pain. But at least you’ll have closure in knowing exactly where things stand.
About therapy? Absolutely! If both parties are willing, therapy can be a crucial step in understanding the root issue and whether or not it can be resolved.
And if at any point along this journey you decide that his feelings — or lack thereof — means it’s time for an exit strategy? Then let me tell you darling – that is perfectly okay. You don’t need to stick around in a situation causing more harm than good, hoping things will somehow magically change.
So stay strong love. Remember your worth does not depend on anyone else but yourself. And hey! Keep rockin’ those unicorn onesies too! It sounds like they bring out your quirky personality and any man who doesn’t find that attractive could possibly be missing a sense of fun.
Sending love,
Your Agony Auntie
Let’s get a deeper analysis, though…
Digging Deep into the Revelation
When your boyfriend says he’s not attracted to you, it feels like a punch to the gut. It makes you question everything: your looks, personality, and your entire relationship. But remember, this revelation is not a reflection of your worth or attractiveness. It may be indicative of deeper issues within him or your relationship.
Possible Meanings Behind the Words
“I’m not attracted to you.” It’s a heavy sentence that can bear multiple interpretations. Your immediate reaction might be thinking: “I’m no longer attractive.”
But attraction isn’t just physical; it encompasses mental and emotional aspects too. Perhaps he’s hinting towards an emotional disconnection, or maybe spark once shared is dwindling.
It could also signify his personal struggles – issues with self-esteem or insecurities he might be grappling with which have nothing to do with you.
The Intent and Background
Understanding why someone delivers such heartbreaking news is vital.
Is it because they’re trying to gently break up? What if they’re asking for conversation and reconnection? Or are they voicing out their frustration?
Their intent will help shape how best to navigate this challenging situation. So don’t internalize immediately: take a step back and assess objectively.
The Timing Factor
The timing of such statements can offer significant insight.
If he admitted this during an argument, there could be more heat than substance in his comment.
But if the words were expressed during a calm discussion, then there’s likely truth in his feelings.
Timing can reveal true intentions hidden behind harsh words.
The Dreaded Comparison Game
In today’s world where everyone’s life is displayed online, it’s easy for him (and anyone else) to start comparing.
If he made this statement after scrolling endlessly through Instagram models or even mutual friends – remember that Social Media often presents idealized versions of people; it isn’t reality.
The online comparison game can trigger feelings of dissatisfaction in real-life relationships – but that doesn’t mean these feelings are accurate reflections of how attractive you truly are.
Rebuilding Connection and Attraction
Now comes the tricky part – what do we do next?
It’s important to have open conversations about what’s lacking – emotional connection? Shared interests? Spontaneity?
As frightening as these conversations may seem, clarity brings growth.
Identify whether there’s something specific affecting his attraction towards you because often times, it has less to do with physical appearance than most think!
Remember Sis,“You’re not any less beautiful, radiant or fascinating simply because one person fails to see your sparkle.”I hope these insights provide some relief and give perspective on managing this tough situation.
My Boyfriend Said He Is Not Attracted To Me: What Next?
What was said has been said… so what next?
1. Grapple with the Initial Shock and Pain
We know it’s hard, darling, but the first thing you need to do is accept your feelings. It’s normal to feel shocked, upset, even humiliated when someone you care about says they’re not attracted to you.
You may be tempted to brush your feelings aside or bottle them up – but don’t. Embrace these feelings instead as a part of your healing process. Speak to a close friend or family member about how you’re feeling – sometimes an outside perspective can be immensely helpful.
2. To Confront or Not: Having ‘The Talk’
After processing those initial emotions, it’s time for some serious reflection on whether a conversation with your boyfriend is necessary.
Honest communication is key in any relationship and it might help clear out any misunderstandings or confusion. But remember, this isn’t about asking him why he doesn’t find you attractive anymore – this talk should focus on understanding each other’s feelings.
3. Nurture Your Self-Esteem and Confidence
It’s crucial not to let his words shatter your self-esteem.
If his lack of attraction was an emotional blow, keep reminding yourself that his opinion does not define your worth. Surround yourself with positivity through friends & hobbies that make you happy.
4. Evaluating the Relationship: Is This a Deal-Breaker?
It’s time for some real talk – if the physical attraction is missing entirely from one side in a relationship, ask yourself – can love and compatibility alone sustain us?
5. The Decision: Break-Up or Make-Up
Depending on how damaging this revelation has been for you and after evaluating the relationship thoroughly – decide if it’s worth fighting for this relationship.
6. Moving Onwards: Life Post Decision
Whether you chose to stay or leave – remember that healing takes time so don’t rush into finding immediate closure.
7. The Silver Lining: Lessons Learnt
Turn this heartache into growth! This experience will help shape better decisions in future relationships.
You Might Need To Go In Another Direction…
The truth is, all relationships require work and continuous communication. I’ve been there, feeling like I’m struggling, but not knowing exactly why. What if I told you there’s a fun and interactive way to gain clarity on what you’re looking for in a relationship?
Meet the Dating Connect Card Game.
For me, this game isn’t just about having fun.
It’s a comprehensive guide that covers all aspects of dating, from that initial flutter in your stomach to the hard work of building a long-lasting relationship.
What I love about it is the range of questions and prompts. It’s like having a relationship coach right there on your coffee table.
But it’s not all just fun and games. This game is backed by science, incorporating techniques used in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), and mindfulness.
It pushes you to reflect on your own values, priorities, and preferences.
I’ve also found that in the process, I’ve gained a greater clarity about what I’m looking for in a partner and what I have to offer.
Here’s the best part…
With each game purchased, a part of the profits is donated to Feeding America. So while you’re discovering more about yourself and relationship, you’re also contributing to a good cause! 👌
Perfect for any occasion, I’ve found the Dating Connect Card Game to be the perfect gift for dads, boyfriends, and couples, whether it’s Father’s Day, an anniversary, or just a regular Tuesday. It’s more than just a game, it’s a tool for communication, a love language translator, and a heartfelt gesture, all in one neat package.
Further Advice…
Understanding that your boyfriend is not attracted to you can be difficult and complex. There are numerous reasons why your partner might feel this way, and it’s important to navigate this situation with caution. You might want to consider reading this article on how to determine if your boyfriend is still attracted to you.
When dealing with such emotional matters, it’s inevitable that feelings of jealousy may arise. If this is the case, understanding how to cope with these feelings is vital. Here are some tips on how to deal with jealousy in a relationship.
Considering his feelings about the relationship and what he wants from it could be helpful too. If he’s expressed uncertainty or confusion about his feelings, as implied in our article on What love means in a healthy relationship, try having an open discussion with him.
Lastly, don’t forget that a relationship should not compromise your self-esteem or mental health. If he has said something hurtful to you, here are some ways on how you can handle and react when your boyfriend says something hurtful.
Please remember that seeking help from a mental health professional should always be an option if things get too overwhelming.
