What’s Up? What’s The Issue?
Hey Soul Bonding Love,
I’ve been dating this amazing guy for about six months now, and things have been going pretty good. Like fairy-tale good. He’s sweet, caring, and always checks in on me to make sure I’m doing okay.
It started off with cute little messages throughout the day. Nothing much, just texts to see how my day is going or wish me a good morning or gush about how lovely our date was the previous night. It felt really sweet at first – I mean, who doesn’t want to be adored, right?
But then things started getting a bit weird. His texts became more frequent and he’d get upset if I didn’t respond right away. He’ll call all through the day, sometimes just to hear my voice he said. If he calls and I miss it cause I’m busy with work or friends – even for just minutes – there are dozens of missed calls from him on my phone.
One time when I went out with my girlfriends for a night out, he kept calling me over and over again till it kinda spoiled the mood of the evening.
About two weeks ago we had this conversation where he confessed that he was ‘obsessed’ with me.
He didn’t say it in a creepy way or anything though; actually seemed quite genuine when saying that his life revolves around thinking of me or wanting to spend time with me.
Ever since though, his behaviour has only intensified. He’s got upset when I’ve had plans without him in them; kept on insisting what “we” are doing rather than what “I’m” doing (as if we need to do everything together); guilt tripped me into cancelling plans – essentially trying hard not let anyone else come between us!
Though his behaviours does scare me a bit & makes me uncomfortable at times but there’s another part of me that wants to believe it’s love that’s making him act like so…
Being his first serious girlfriend (he never had any before), am not sure whether what he’s exhibiting is normal boyfriend behaviour? Is this love? Or obsession? Should I be concerned?
Confusedly,
Jane
The Raw And Honest Truth I Would Give To My Little Sis…
Dear Jane,
If you were my little sis, here’s what I’d say: Listen to your gut. You mentioned feeling scared and uncomfortable at times – that’s your intuition telling you something isn’t right.
Now, don’t get me wrong, everyone can be a bit over the top in the beginning when they’re smitten. But remember that there’s a big difference between love and obsession. Love trusts, it gives space, respects your time alone, and doesn’t seek to control. Obsession tries to control; it’s possessive, jealous and demanding.
This guy seems to fall into the latter category. His actions might not be coming from a malicious place – he may just be anxious or inexperienced. But his behavior is causing you discomfort and that’s what matters.
Honestly, it seems like he needs reassurances about the relationship all the time which is not fair on you. It’s important in any relationship for both parties to have their own independence; their own friends, hobbies etc. It sounds like he’s become dependent on you for happiness which puts undue pressure on you.
As I see it, here are your options:
- Talk about boundaries: Let him know how much communication works for you each day/week.
- If he gets upset when plans don’t involve him; reiterate that having separate lives outside of each other is healthy.
- Tell him openly that his behaviour makes you uncomfortable sometimes & listen to his response. If he dismisses your feelings or says you’re overreacting then consider if this is someone who truly respects you?
In my opinion sweetie, there are red flags waving here. At best – with proper communication & understanding from both sides this could lead into something beautiful but at worst – this could turn into an emotionally abusive relationship.
Remember,No one should ever make anyone feel guilty for living their life. Stand up for yourself love!- You deserve respect & space.
Take care,
Your Big Sis Figuratively
Let’s get a deeper analysis, though…
Decoding “Obsession”
Let’s start with the word “obsessed.” Now, in today’s slang-heavy culture, it’s pretty common to hear someone say “I’m obsessed with you” in the same way they’d say “I’m obsessed with this new Netflix series.”
But it carries a different weight when used in a relationship context. When your boyfriend says he is obsessed with you, it can have a variety of implications depending on the context and tone.
The Good Side: Devotion or Adoration?
In its most innocent form, saying he is ‘obsessed’ with you might simply mean that he adores and appreciates you more than anything else. He could be expressing his deep love, intrigue and fascination for who you are as an individual.
In this sense, it indicates that he finds everything about you – from your actions to your ideas – utterly captivating. It shows that he values spending time with you and has strong affectionate feelings.
The Not-So-Good Side: Unhealthy Fixation?
On the flip side of things, his confessed obsession may hint towards an unhealthy fixation. Obsession in this sense could indicate control issues or insecurity on his part. It might mean that he feels threatened by any other man who comes into contact with you for fear of losing you.
We should never ignore such signs if we feel uncomfortable or pressured by such obsessive behaviours – trust your instincts! Remember, Balancing love and respect is key to any successful relationship.
Looking at Intentions
Sometimes exploring where someone is coming from can help decode what they’re trying to say. Why did your boyfriend tell you he was obsessed? Was it during a romantic dinner where he was confessing his deep love for you? Or was it during an argument where he felt threatened or insecure?
This context might give us clues about his true intentions—whether these obsessive feelings stem from pure love and commitment or from unhealthy jealousy and control.
Potential Alarm Bells
Here are certain signs that obsession may be taking an unhealthy turn:
1) If he wants to control every aspect of your life.
2) If there’s extreme jealousy involved.
3) If isolation happens – cutting off friends and family isn’t healthy.
Any form of possessiveness should not be taken lightly.
While none of these signs necessarily mean there’s something definitively wrong if combined they could signal some potential issues worth addressing.
As always my dear reader,communication is key.Talk openly about how this confession made you feel if something feels off. After all,a healthy relationship thrives on honesty.
Remember: You know yourself best – trust your gut feeling!
My Boyfriend Said He Is Obsessed With Me: What Next?
What was said has been said… so what next?
1. Decoding His Obsession: Acknowledging What It Means
So your boyfriend has confessed to being obsessed with you. This might feel like a lot to take in. However, it’s crucial to really understand the potential implications. Is it just an innocent crush or is it crossing over into unhealthy territory?
Remember, we’re not demonizing your partner here. It’s all about distinguishing between love and obsession, which can be tricky territory.
2. Taking Note of Behaviour Patterns: Spotting Healthy vs Unhealthy Obsession
Next up, let’s try to spot some behaviour patterns that might indicate whether this obsession is healthy or not so much.
Healthy obsession can be cute and may result in him paying special attention to your likes and dislikes.
On contrast, unhealthy patterns might involve extreme possessiveness and lack of respect for your personal space.
3. Candid Conversation Time: Speak Up About How You Feel
Now that we’ve deciphered what his obsession could mean, let’s talk about you.
You deserve a voice in this relationship too!
Honest communication is key!
Tell him how his confession makes you feel. If it’s making you uncomfortable, express that.
4. Your Emotional Well-being Comes First: Establish Boundaries If Needed
Just because he says he is obsessed doesn’t mean your time belongs entirely to him now.
You have the right to establish boundaries in your relationship protecting your time, interests and personal space!
5. Maintain Balance: Keep Your Individuality Intact
In any kind of relationship, especially romantic ones maintaining balance is vital! Don’t change who you are just because someone else can’t get enough of you.
Your comfort matters too!
6. Taking Professional Help if Required: Reach Out To A Counsellor if Needed
Sometimes things may need professional intervention.
If his obsession escalates into manipulative behavior or if things go beyond control do not hesitate to reach out for professional help.
7. Prioritizing Self-Love : You Are More Than Just An Obsession
Remember at the end of the day you are more than just someone’s obsession!
You matter as an individual so make sure amidst all these complexities don’t forget self-love!
Maintain focus on what feels right for YOU.
You Might Need To Go In Another Direction…
The truth is, all relationships require work and continuous communication. I’ve been there, feeling like I’m struggling, but not knowing exactly why. What if I told you there’s a fun and interactive way to gain clarity on what you’re looking for in a relationship?
Meet the Dating Connect Card Game.
For me, this game isn’t just about having fun.
It’s a comprehensive guide that covers all aspects of dating, from that initial flutter in your stomach to the hard work of building a long-lasting relationship.
What I love about it is the range of questions and prompts. It’s like having a relationship coach right there on your coffee table.
But it’s not all just fun and games. This game is backed by science, incorporating techniques used in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), and mindfulness.
It pushes you to reflect on your own values, priorities, and preferences.
I’ve also found that in the process, I’ve gained a greater clarity about what I’m looking for in a partner and what I have to offer.
Here’s the best part…
With each game purchased, a part of the profits is donated to Feeding America. So while you’re discovering more about yourself and relationship, you’re also contributing to a good cause! 👌
Perfect for any occasion, I’ve found the Dating Connect Card Game to be the perfect gift for dads, boyfriends, and couples, whether it’s Father’s Day, an anniversary, or just a regular Tuesday. It’s more than just a game, it’s a tool for communication, a love language translator, and a heartfelt gesture, all in one neat package.
Further Advice…
Having your boyfriend say he’s obsessed with you can be confusing. You might be wondering if this is a healthy expression of love or if it’s a red flag. To understand this better, you might want to read our article on why your boyfriend keeps saying “I love you”.
Still, obsession can also stem from jealousy. If he’s obsessively checking on you, suspecting every friend you have or feeling overly possessive, then you may want to consider reading this article on how to deal with jealousy in a relationship.
Communicating your feelings openly and honestly is essential in dealing with this situation. You need to express your concerns about his obsession and discuss how it makes you feel. For advice on handling such conversations, take a look at our blog post on what to do when your boyfriend tells you to stay away from him.
Lastly, maintaining personal boundaries is key for a healthy relationship. If your boyfriend’s obsession is leading him to disrespect your personal space or freedom, our post on how to balance respect and independence in a relationship is definitely worth reading.
