What’s Up? What’s The Issue?
Dear Soul Bonding Love,
I am feeling lost in my marriage and urgently in need of some advice. My husband Jim and I have been married for nine years now. We have two young kids, sweet little things aged six and eight that are our whole wide world. But they’re worried about their daddy, just like I am.
You see, Jim has had a rough few years. He lost his job about two years ago and we’ve been making ends meet since then on my salary from the school full time along with his odd jobs here and there due to the struggles from finding permanent work. Jim’s always been a social drinker, one that has a few too many at family barbecues or holiday parties but he’d only get tipsy not flat-out drunk.
But ever since he was laid off, that ‘few’ escalated to ‘a couple each night,’ which soon turned into him getting properly drunk alone at home every day. Now it’s like alcohol is his new coping mechanism for handling stress even though it’s causing more harm than good.
It’s gotten to the point where if he isn’t drinking, he becomes irritable and easily flares up at the smallest things. His tolerance is getting scary high as in I think he might actually be dependent on it now? The nights are tough with him either passing out by dinner or picking fights over nothing at all until late hours when the kids are asleep.
Even more worrying is how our kids started asking why daddy always smells “funny” or why sometimes he can’t walk straight when taking them to bed…I’ve tried talking to him—coming from a place of concern rather than accusation—but whenever I approach the subject of drinking less or seeking help it seems like all hell breaks loose.
Most times these talks result in huge arguments with a lot of shouting and swearing which leaves me feeling guilty for even suggesting such a thing! When did seeking medical attention become so wrong? And all these arguments mean our little ones listen through their bedroom doors, growing upset themselves because mommy and daddy can’t stop fighting…
Honestly speaking, we barely have any genuine conversations anymore that don’t revolve around bills or household matters so dealing with this issue feels impossible sometimes!
What should I do? How can I get my husband to stop drinking without driving us apart further or worse still risking waking up one day not knowing if he’s alive OR sober?
Desperately needing some help,
Ella
The Raw And Honest Truth I Would Give To My Gal Pal or Sis…
Dear Ella,
Here’s what I will say:
Firstly, don’t blame yourself for your husband’s drinking problem. This is not your fault. It’s important to remember that, okay?
Jim’s job loss and his difficulty finding new work are clearly huge stressors for him, and it sounds like he’s using alcohol as a crutch. This is very common, Ella, but it’s also very dangerous.
Acknowledge that this is a serious issue. Jim’s escalated drinking could potentially lead to alcohol addiction if it hasn’t already.
I think you need to have another conversation with Jim, but this time you might consider doing it differently.
Instead of confronting him when he’s already been drinking, choose a moment when he is sober. Keep your tone and words gentle yet firm. Tell him you are worried for his health and the effect his drinking is having on the children. Remind him of the love you share and how much you want your family to be happy and healthy.
You’re not attacking him, Ella. You’re voicing your concern for someone you deeply care about.
Encourage him to seek help, whether it’s speaking with a counselor, attending AA meetings or even considering rehabilitation services if necessary.
Remember, though, Ella, Jim must want to get help for himself before any change can occur.
But in the meantime, you need support too. Reach out to friends and family about this situation. Consider joining a local or online support group for family members of alcoholics like Al-Anon. There you’ll find people who are walking the same path as you are and who can offer advice, understanding and encouragement.
Protecting your children during this challenging time is also crucial. Make sure they have a safe space where they can express their feelings and fears.
I know it’s hard, Ella. But take things one day at a time, love yourself and your kids, and never forget that you’re not alone in this battle.
Take care,
Aunt Agony
But that’s just my personal viewpoint. Let’s actually break it down for what it is.
It might provide you with some more context.
“What Do I Do If My Husband Won’t Stop Drinking?”: The Breakdown
Unraveling the Situational Complexity
At first glance, your concern seems straightforward: “What do I do if my husband won’t stop drinking?” Yet, behind these simple words, there’s an entire world of emotions and experiences.
It’s clear that you’re feeling upset, perhaps even desperate or powerless. You’ve probably tried to help your husband quit drinking multiple times – through pleas, arguments, ultimatums or interventions – only to be met with resistance or temporary change.
Simultaneously, the constant worry about his health and the strain on your relationship have probably left you emotionally drained.
The Root of Your Emotions
Your question is about more than just how to get him to stop drinking; it’s about dealing with feelings of loss – loss of control over a situation that is increasingly worrying, loss of the man you fell in love with who now might seem like a different person due to his alcohol consumption and lastly, loss of a peaceful equilibrium in your relationship.
The Hidden Intentions
With these losses comes fear as well—a fear that if he doesn’t stop drinking, things might spiral out of control. It’s completely normal to be terrified when someone we love is on a self-destructive path, and you’re hoping for some advice on how to re-route him towards sobriety.
When we dig deeper into your words, “What do I do if my husband won’t stop drinking” it exposes not just your desperation but also the unending love and concern that you have for your partner. You are essentially asking “How can I help my husband overcome this addiction?”
The Unspoken Reality
Let’s shed some light on another vital aspect here: Your own well-being.
Even though he might be the one exhibiting harmful behavior, it impacts you too. Living with an alcoholic spouse can wreak havoc on mental health. So embedded within your concern, is another silent question: “How do I preserve my mental health while dealing with this issue?”
Most importantly this question from you reflects courage—the courage to seek help and advice when faced with such an emotionally taxing problem.
A Glimpse Into Your Mindset
Asking this question shows that despite everything, you’re optimistic. You believe there’s potential for behavioral change, and hope for restoration of peace in your relationship.
That’s why, it’s crucial now more than ever, to hold onto that positive mindset. It could make all the difference in leading both you and your spouse towards healing.
Always remember—you’re not alone. Troublesome as they may be, situations like these are faced by many around us. Remembering this, could provide solace, knowing there’s always someone who understands and empathizes.
While we can’t magically solve everything at once, navigating through each twist will surely bring us closer toward resolution. Prepare yourself, this journey might take time, but trust me, it will certainly teach valuable lessons life had kept hidden so far. Stay strong!
With Everything That’s Been Said & Done (Or Not Said And Not Done), What’s Next?
1. Recognize the Problem and Its Impact
Recognizing the problem is the first step towards finding a solution. If your husband’s drinking habits are affecting your relationship and his overall well-being, it’s essential to acknowledge these issues head-on.
His excessive drinking could lead to health problems, financial strain, or even emotional distance between you two. Remember that “excessive” is subjective – if his drinking negatively influences your life together in any way, it’s an issue worth addressing.
2. Initiating A Conversation: The Delicate Approach
Communication is key. But when dealing with sensitive issues like addiction, approach matters just as much as content.
The goal here is to express concern without blaming or criticizing.
Navigate this conversation with care, focusing on how his actions affect you and your relationship rather than accusing him directly.
3. Maintaining Empathy in Tough Times
Yes, it hurts when someone we love has a damaging habit they can’t seem to break free from. But remember, empathy plays a critical role.
Your husband likely knows he has a problem but may be struggling himself.
Show understanding and support while remaining committed to finding a solution together.
4. Approach of External Support: Seeking Professional Help
If your efforts don’t bring about change or if things get worse, drawing on external resources may be necessary.
You could seek advice from a healthcare professional, enlist help from family and friends who’ve had similar experiences.
Above all, don’t hesitate to reach out for support.
5. Joining Groups: The Power of Shared Experiences
Getting involved in groups like Al-Anon can provide guidance based on shared experiences.
This step isn’t just about helping him quit; it also allows you space for healing yourself.
Such groups offer practical advice along with emotional support- both critical during tough times.
6. Setting Boundaries: Protecting Yourself
In pursuit of supporting your partner, don’t neglect self-care. Balancing empathy with personal boundaries is crucial.
Determine which behaviors you won’t tolerate & communicate them clearly.
This ‘boundary-setting’, though difficult initially can prove invaluable in maintaining personal well-being.
7. Staying Committed: The Long Road Ahead
Remember – recovery isn’t linear & setbacks could occur.
The journey might be long & arduous but remember every little progress counts.
Keep reminding yourself- small steps do add up over time.
Stay committed while remembering that the ultimate decision & effort must come from him.
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Addressing the issues at hand, you may find assistance in the articles on our website. If your husband is struggling with alcohol abuse, you may find helpful advice in the article “My Husband Won’t Stop Drinking”.
If he is also refusing to seek professional help despite your pleas, then our post “My Husband Won’t Go to Therapy”, could potentially offer some guidance. It discusses strategies for encouraging a spouse to consider therapeutic intervention.
In some cases, alcoholism can lead to depression and other mental health disorders. If you think this might be the case, you can read the article “My Husband Is Depressed and Won’t Get Help”. This article offers insights and advice for those dealing with a spouse who is suffering from depression and refusing treatment.
If your husband’s drinking problem has led to thoughts of separation or divorce, then check out “I Want To Divorce My Husband But He Won’t Leave”. This piece talks about what steps can be taken when a spouse refuses to leave in such situations.
