What’s Up? What’s The Issue?
Hey there Soul Bonding Love,
I need some help, and I’m really not sure where else to turn. So here it goes: my husband, Dan, and I have been together for about 15 years now– and I swear he hasn’t asked for help once in that entire time. He’s always been very independent, the kind of man that wants to do everything by himself, you know?
In the last year though, things have changed. You see, Dan was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis about a year ago. It’s slowly been affecting his mobility and causing him pain — even simple tasks like opening jars or tying shoes can be difficult sometimes.
You’d think with all these challenges tossed his way he’d finally put down that stubborn pride of his and ask for help — but nope! He just carries on struggling in silence. I’ve tried offering assistance but he shrugs me off every time — it’s making me feel so helpless!
A couple days ago when we were trying to prepare dinner together (we have this little tradition you see — we cook together every Sunday), he was really struggling to chop up some vegetables because his hands were hurting so bad! Seeing him like this breaks my heart every time… But even then, he refused any kind of assistance from me.
It’s not just the practical stuff either; it feels like the arthritis is wearing him down emotionally too — he seems more quiet lately… less jovial than before. But again whenever I try to broach the subject with him he shuts down or changes topic.
I’ve suggested things like seeing a therapist or joining a support group where he could share experiences with people who are going through the same thing…But as per usual Dan shoots them all down without a second thought.
Soul Bonding Love — what am I supposed to do? How can I get my stubborn-as-a-mule husband to realize it’s okay to ask for some help? It seems like our ‘for better or worse’ vow is now being tested big time…and where love knows no bounds neither should one’s pride…right?
Looking forward to hearing your thoughts.
The Raw And Honest Truth I Would Give To My Gal Pal or Sis…
Here’s what I will say…
Your husband Dan is a strong, independent man who has spent the majority of his life not needing to ask for help. Now that he’s facing the reality of rheumatoid arthritis, he’s probably struggling with feeling like he’s less able than before, and that’s a hard pill to swallow. This is about more than him being stubborn—it’s about him trying to hold on to his self-perceived identity as an autonomous person.
You’re certainly right, love knows no bounds and neither should one’s pride. So, instead of trying to push him to accept help or discuss his feelings directly, maybe try a slightly different approach.
Show empathy and patience. Understand that accepting help might make him feel like he’s losing his independence. Also, men often handle emotions differently than women. He might need more time to process his feelings before he can talk about them.
When it comes to practical things like cooking or doing household chores, you could subtly start doing things together as a couple. Prepare meals together or do other activities that you both enjoy. This way, you’ll be there to assist him naturally when he struggles without making it feel like a help.
You’ve mentioned that he’s been quieter and less jovial than before. This could be signs of depression. Encourage him to seek professional help, but avoid pushing too hard. It might also be worthwhile for you to seek out support for yourself—you’re dealing with a lot here too!
In the end, remember that change is slow and gradual. It may take time for Dan to come around and accept your help, but remain patient and empathetic towards him.
Your journey together through this challenge is a testament to your love for each other—remember the ‘for better or worse’ part of your vows? Now’s the time to hold onto that tightly. Good luck!
But, that’s just my personal viewpoint. Let’s actually break it down for what it is.
It might provide you with some more context.
“My Husband Needs Help With But He Won’t Ask?”: The Breakdown
The Situation
My husband needs help, but he won’t ask. This sentence seems short and simple on the surface, but the concerns underneath are deep and tangled. The person who’s saying this is probably feeling a mix of frustration, worry, and a desperate need to understand their partner better.
Let’s observe every bit of this concern – it will give us a clearer perspective on where we stand here.
Recognising the Need for Help
First things first: my husband needs help. This suggests that you’ve observed something in your partner that he himself may not have noticed – or perhaps is refusing to acknowledge.
It could be anything from alcohol addiction, mental health issues to problems at work or even struggles with domestic chores. The phrase shows you’re aware of his pain and wish for him to overcome it.
The Stubborn Silence: Why He Won’t Ask
Next aspect is: but he won’t ask. This reflects a struggle with communication in your relationship. Your husband seemingly does not feel comfortable or doesn’t think it’s necessary to vocalise his needs.
This could be due to multiple reasons – maybe he’s trying to hide vulnerability considering societal norms about masculine strength or maybe there’s fear of judgment or rejection.
But remember, just because he won’t ask doesn’t mean he doesn’t want help; perhaps he just doesn’t know how to express it.
Your Concern and Care: “He Needs Help”
The words “he needs help”, however, show that despite his silent struggles, you care about him deeply which is why you even realised his need for help. Your concern indicates empathy which is essential in maintaining healthy relationships.
However this situation also implies that you might be feeling helpless seeing your loved one suffer while unable to do anything about it.
Potential Course of Action
If we look into all these details closely we can imagine two different scenarios – either your husband isn’t fully aware of what’s bothering him or he knows but expects you (or someone else) will understand without him vocalising it.
In either case it seems crucial for both parties involved – especially your husband- to become more adept at expressing their feelings.
This might involve having some heart-to-heart talks where mentioning things like “I’ve noticed…” instead of “You need…” can make all the difference.
Providing an open space where vulnerability isn’t looked down upon would definitely ease things out. Professional help like therapy could also prove beneficial if necessary – remember there’s no shame in asking for support!
Remember though as much as you love your partner and want what’s best for them; ultimately only they can decide when they’re ready to seek the help they need. Patience along with unwavering support from your side will surely improve things with time. You got this!
With Everything That’s Been Said & Done (Or Not Said And Not Done), What’s Next?
Let’s Start With Self-Awareness and Compassion
Noticing your husband struggling but refusing to ask for assistance can be a difficult road to navigate. The first step in approaching this delicate situation is finding empathy and compassion within yourself.
Remember, it’s not necessarily about you; it might be that he’s dealing with complex feelings of adequacy or independence.
Tuning Into Non-Verbal Cues
Sure, he isn’t saying it outright, but his actions may be speaking volumes. Paying attention to his behavior, his mood, and any changes in habits can provide insight into what’s going on beneath the surface.
A Gentle Approach Is Key
When ready to address the issue directly, ensure your approach is sensitive and non-confrontational. No one likes feeling cornered or attacked – approach him with a tone of love, concern and understanding.
Maintaining Open Communication
It’s great you’re willing to help him through whatever he’s facing. You need to let him know this without pushing too much – remember that communication should always flow both ways.
The Art of Asking Questions
A powerful tool at your disposal is the ability to ask open-ended questions gently. Approaching conversations with curiosity rather than judgement allows space for your husband to process his own feelings while knowing that he has an empathetic listener nearby.
Prompting Self-Help Strategies
Sometimes people need a little nudging towards self-help techniques. Gently suggest activities which help manage stress such as exercise, hobbies or even meditation practices – while being mindful not to push as this journey should primarily be self-led.
Finding Professional Help When Needed
If things become more serious and you feel out of depth handling this situation on your own, do consider seeking professional help from trusted sources like counselors or psychologists. It doesn’t have to carry stigma — everybody needs help sometimes!.
It’s all about reaching out for support when we need it most.
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