What’s Up? What’s The Issue?
Dear Soul Bonding Love,
I never thought I’d be writing in for any type of advice, let alone about this. But I just don’t know where to turn right now. So here it goes: my boyfriend, Robby, basically told me that I’m fat.
We’ve been together for a little over two years and we met through mutual friends at university. Robby’s always been a fitness freak. He plays Lacrosse for the uni team and he’s always either on the field or in the gym if he isn’t studying.
Now, I’ve never been chubby my entire life – but hey, everyone puts on a bit of “comfort weight” when they’re in love, right? We’ve spent so many nights together ordering takeout and Netflix-ing our favorite shows… more than what we did when we first started dating; hence some added inches to my waistline. But it’s seriously nothing alarming – just normal relationship gains!
But about a week ago, as we were getting ready to go out with friends, Robby made an offhand comment. He said something like ‘maybe you should start working out with me.’ Of course at first it was all good fun and banter till I asked him why he suddenly said that – mind you while wearing some new clothes that fit differently than what I usually wear. His answer just shattered me.
He looked me straight in the eyes and more nonchalantly than ever said ‘you’re starting to get fat.’ The words echoed loudly inside my head as disbelief ringed through every corner of me! Not because those words hurt (which they did!), but because they came from someone who loves me.
After dinner with our friends where I felt awkwardly uncomfortable in everything that happened – including simply existing – I tried talking things out with him. But each conversation ended up nowhere except an awkward silence.
I’m feeling really lost right now! We didn’t break up or anything dramatic like that but there’s definitely an unsettling cloud hanging around us which feels awful!
Do relationships really break apart over such issues?!! This one incident has made me question a lot of things: am I too sensitive? Is Robby not sensitive enough? Are these signs of fading love or interest?!
Any advice would be deeply valued!
Yours,
Unsettled
The Raw And Honest Truth I Would Give To My Little Sis…
If you were my little sis, here’s what I’d tell you. Firstly, you’re not alone. Many of us have faced similar situations in our relationships – it’s a part of life because nobody’s perfect and we all stumble at times. And that’s okay!
It’s important to remember that Robby’s comments about your weight are his opinion and don’t define who you are. You know yourself better than anyone else does, and if you feel healthy and comfortable with your body, then that should be what matters most!
Robby may not have intended to hurt your feelings but his comment was insensitive and thoughtless. It might be time for a candid conversation with him where you express how his comment made you feel.
In a relationship, it’s crucial to keep lines of communication open about such matters as they are as important as any other issues in a relationship – possibly even more because this is directly connected to your self-esteem.
About questioning your sensitiveness or Robby’s lack of sensitivity? Well hun, let me tell ya! It’s not about being too sensitive or less sensitive – this is about basic respect and understanding.
Try to make Robby understand the gravity of the situation – how his words affected you deeply. Remember though: we need to teach people how we want to be treated. Set boundaries for what kind of language or comments are acceptable in your relationship.
And last but most important: Please love yourself. Don’t let others define who you are or should be! You’re beautiful just the way you are – inside out! Moreover, changes if any should be decided by YOU at YOUR pace for YOUR satisfaction!
Whatever happens next, learn from this incident – grow stronger emotionally & mentally! Always remember: relationships don’t break over petty issues unless there’re deeper issues hiding beneath these ‘petty’ ones.
So take a deep breath in while considering these points hun; handle it with confidence & grace.
Let me know if there’s anything else bothering ya!
I’m here for ya!
Let’s get a deeper analysis, though…
Decoding “My Boyfriend Says I’m Fat”
When your boyfriend says, “You’re fat,” it can appear brutally harsh and may leave you feeling hurt and wondered. Yet, let’s take a deeper look at what he might be truly trying to communicate. Our conversations often hold more than what meets the eye.
His comment could be a poorly phrased effort to express concern about your health. Or, it might be an expression of his own insecurities getting projected onto you. Alternatively, this could even be an unhealthy way for him to exert control in your relationship.
An Expression of Concern?
Your boyfriend’s comment about your weight might come from a place of genuine worry about your health. He likely understands the medical complications that being overweight can trigger but has failed to choose his words wisely.
Try initiating an open conversation with him about it. Ask him if he said that because he is worried about you in any way. In doing this, you will give him a chance to clarify his intentions behind the comment.
The Projection of His Own Insecurities
Believe me when I say we’re not always rational beings – we carry our baggage around and sometimes throw it on others without realizing the impact it creates.
Your boyfriend calling you fat may actually have little to do with YOU—instead it may well reflect HIS insecurities or issues which are being projected outwards.
Try asking him indirect questions that reveal more about his feelings towards himself, his body image or self-esteem levels—it might give you some interesting insights.
A Power Play?
Another possible motive behind “you’re fat” comment could be control—yes darling! It can sometimes turn into a power play where one partner tries to make the other feel insecure in order to hold sway over them.
If this is happening frequently and making you feel unhappy or small—wake up girl! You deserve better than someone who exploits your vulnerabilities.
Navigating Towards Body-Positivity Together
No matter why he said those words—we must acknowledge how they’ve made you feel and work towards improving communication within your relationship.
Express how such comments affect your self-esteem and suggest healthier ways for discussing weight and health concerns.
Show empathy, by explaining how body shaming impacts individuals emotionally & mentally. Encourage conversations around body positivity & mutual respect—they are crucial elements for any successful relationship!
Remember girl – Everyone comes in different shapes & sizes—and every size is beautiful in its unique way! Don’t let anyone make you believe otherwise.
My Boyfriend Said I’M Fat: What Next?
What was said has been said… so what next?
Reacting in the Heat of the Moment
When we’re upset, our first instinct might be to react defensively. This is a completely natural response when someone you care about makes a harsh comment. In this case, your boyfriend has made a negative remark about your weight, and it’s understandable if you feel hurt and angry. But before you say anything that could potentially escalate the situation, remember to take some deep breaths and give yourself some time to process his words.
This moment could be an opportunity for growth – both personally and for your relationship.
Reflecting on Your Feelings
Following your initial reaction, give yourself time to think over your feelings. Does his statement make you feel devalued? Or do you feel concerned about your health? Maybe it’s a little bit of both? Reflecting on these emotions can give insight into how much his comment truly affected you. Remember, it’s okay to feel upset or even angry. These are valid emotions.
Just remember not to drown in them.
Navigating the Conversation with Your Boyfriend
Once you’ve processed your feelings, it’s time for a serious talk with your boyfriend.. Choose a calm moment where both of you are relaxed and open-minded. When addressing his comment, try not reacting from a place of anger but instead express how his words made you feel.
Communication is key in every relationship.
Listening To His Side Of The Story
It’s crucial not only express what you’re feeling but also hear him out as well. His remark might have been an offhand comment without malintent or he may have had genuine concerns about your health. Whatever his reasons were, listening respectfully and making an effort to understand him can help resolve this matter amicably.
Remember, everyone deserves their say.
Evaluating Your Relationship
This incident might lead you through uncharted territory regarding how deeply respect is embedded into your relationship dynamics. Ask yourself: does my boyfriend often make disrespectful comments? Do I leave most conversations feeling belittled or disrespected? Use this situation as an opportunity for better understanding of whether there’s mutual respect in your relationship.
After all, everyone deserves respect.
Making Decisions For Yourself
Although others can offer advice on what actions to take next (like breaking up), ultimately the decision rests with you alone because no one knows what’s best for us better than we do ourselves! If this was simply a one-off occasion where he unknowingly hurt feelings due to thoughtlessness rather than malice then reconciliation should happen smoothly through clear communication However if incidents like these continue endlessly then their consequences shouldn’t be overlooked either.
Your self-worth should always come first.
Taking Care Of Yourself Moving Forward
Follow this incident; please don’t forget importance looking after yourself mentally physically emotionally too! Whether means seeking counseling support group friends family or even taking solo trip somewhere relaxing after making decision stick by do everything power ensure wellbeing isn’t compromised any further events similar these cause lot mental stress so prioritizing self-care crucial during hard times!
You deserve love compassion especially from own self!
You Might Need To Go In Another Direction…
The truth is, all relationships require work and continuous communication. I’ve been there, feeling like I’m struggling, but not knowing exactly why. What if I told you there’s a fun and interactive way to gain clarity on what you’re looking for in a relationship?
Meet the Dating Connect Card Game.
For me, this game isn’t just about having fun.
It’s a comprehensive guide that covers all aspects of dating, from that initial flutter in your stomach to the hard work of building a long-lasting relationship.
What I love about it is the range of questions and prompts. It’s like having a relationship coach right there on your coffee table.
But it’s not all just fun and games. This game is backed by science, incorporating techniques used in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), and mindfulness.
It pushes you to reflect on your own values, priorities, and preferences.
I’ve also found that in the process, I’ve gained a greater clarity about what I’m looking for in a partner and what I have to offer.
Here’s the best part…
With each game purchased, a part of the profits is donated to Feeding America. So while you’re discovering more about yourself and relationship, you’re also contributing to a good cause! 👌
Perfect for any occasion, I’ve found the Dating Connect Card Game to be the perfect gift for dads, boyfriends, and couples, whether it’s Father’s Day, an anniversary, or just a regular Tuesday. It’s more than just a game, it’s a tool for communication, a love language translator, and a heartfelt gesture, all in one neat package.
Further Advice…
If your boyfriend has just told you that he thinks you’re fat, it’s essential to remember that this is a reflection of his issues and not an objective assessment of your body. It might be helpful to refer to our guide “My Boyfriend Said I have a Big Stomach” for ways to navigate such hurtful comments.
Furthermore, if this comment makes you feel insecure about whether he’s still attracted to you, consider reading the piece “Is My Boyfriend Still Attracted to Me?”. This post will help you understand attraction and its role in relationships better.
In addition, comments like these can emotionally drain you and may make you feel like your relationship is hard. For some advice on how to handle this situation, refer to our article “My Boyfriend Said I’m Hard To Love”.
Finally, it’s also possible that his comment stems from his personal insecurities. You might find our post “My Boyfriend Just Thinks About Himself” insightful in understanding why people project their insecurities onto others.
