What’s Up? What’s The Issue?
Hey Soul Bonding Love,
So, I’ve got a bit of a predicament on my hands. I didn’t think I’d ever find myself writing into something like this, but here I am.
My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now and things were going absolutely great. He was everything that I wanted in a guy — sweet, caring, funny… basically the full package. We even lived together through most of the pandemic which seemed to only strengthen our bond and relationship further.
But then, outta nowhere, he dropped a bombshell on me last week. We’d had one hell of a fight over something so silly that it now seems ridiculous to think about it — his favorite football team lost and being the sports hater that I am; jokingly said ‘maybe they should practice more!.’. He didn’t take too well to sarcasm aimed at his beloved team.
Things escalated pretty quickly; words flew back and forth faster than either of us could process them completely. But there was one particular sentence he uttered that resounded in me so loudly every other word was drowned out: “You disgust me.”
It was like someone had punched me right in the gut – it hurt! That phrase has been playing on repeat in my mind ever since. It’s hard for me to even look at him without those harsh words ringing in my ears.
I tried bringing up what he said the next day when we had both cooled down but he dismissed it as “heat-of-the-moment” stuff and told me not to take it seriously but how can I not? The phrase feels etched into my soul!
Ever since then things have changed–I’ve changed. It’s like there’s this invisible wedge between us now. Every shared laugh or moment is overshadowed by his words – words that make question my self-worth every single time they echo in the back of my mind.
His remark has definitely affected our intimacy as well — because who wants to be intimate with someone who finds you disgusting? There’s also this fear within me about how deep his feelings must go if he managed to voice such an insult!
So yeah… here we are. Any advice would be greatly welcomed at this stage.
The Raw And Honest Truth I Would Give To My Little Sis…
If you were my little sis, the first thing I’d tell you is that everyone says things they don’t mean out of anger. But yes, “You disgust me” is a rather heavy phrase to throw around, even during a heated argument.
Believe me, I get the whole “heat of the moment” thing. However, it’s important to clarify if this was just an ugly sentence in an ugly moment or if it hints at something deeper.
Talk to him. I know you’ve already tried once and he brushed it off – but try again. It’s essential to communicate openly about how those words affected you. If he cares for you as much as I think he does, he’ll listen.
This is your relationship too, and your feelings are just as important. Remember that if he doesn’t respect them now, it’s unlikely that he will in the future.
In these situations, find solace in loved ones. It’s okay to seek help and find comfort outside of your relationship during such tough times.
It’s also important to remember not to let others’ opinion about us affect our self-worth – you are more than one person’s opinions or remarks made in haste.
While it’s hurtful and difficult right now; remember: this too shall pass! All experiences — good or bad — shape us and make us who we are. So keep going strong!
Oh sweetiebear, don’t ever forget that their favourite football team losing doesn’t mean they should lose their cool with you – especially over a harmless joke. Love is about mutual respect after all!
Remember, take care of yourself. This situation has been tough on you emotionally so do things which make ‘you’ happy for a change! This could be anything from spending time with friends to watching your favourite movie on repeat – do whatever helps lighten your spirits.
And finally… hold onto hope but don’t be afraid to let go if talking doesn’t resolve things over time! Relationships are a two-way street where both parties need love,respect & understanding.
Much love,
Your Aunty Agony
Let’s get a deeper analysis, though…
Decoding the Painful Words
First things first, darling. Take a deep breath. It hurts when someone you love utters such painful words, especially if they’re as harsh as “I am disgusted by you.” I know your heart must be aching and that’s okay. Embrace your feelings and let’s try to decode this together.
The statement itself is quite loaded and worth analyzing carefully. You see, communication in relationships isn’t always crystal clear. Behind those hurtful words might lie an array of other emotions or concerns.
The Emotional Breakdown
It’s critical to understand that disgustin’ is a very strong word with intense feelings behind it – rage, contempt or disappointment, perhaps even unmet needs or expectations? It’s rarely about disgust in the literal sense.
Usually, when people use such powerful words to express their feelings, it speaks volumes about their inner emotional turmoil rather than about who you are as an individual.
Why the Harsh Expression?
Now let’s talk about why he felt compelled to communicate this way. Could there be some unresolved issues between you two that he’s trying to address? Or some unsaid feelings that he’s struggling with but doesn’t know how to convey?
Sometimes people resort to harsh language as a cry for help or out of sheer frustration because they can’t seem to put their actual emotions into words.
Another possibility is that your boyfriend might be projecting his self-disgust onto you – which has everything to do with him and nothing with you.
The Intent: A Hidden Cry for Change?
Sometimes partners use “I’m disgusted by you” as an extreme form of “I’m not happy”, hoping it will lead you into changing something – behaviour, habits or dynamics- in the relationship.
Consider this: Is there anything in particular he wants from your relationship which he feels is missing? How did he behave before dropping the ‘D-bomb’? Looking back at his actions may provide clues about what is truly bothering him.
Managing Your Own Emotions
While we’re dissecting his intent and its possible meanings, let’s not forget about YOU.
Your wellbeing matters just as much (if not more) than trying to figure out what led him down this path of communication. So hold on tight girl because few things are more important than preserving one’s self-worth while navigating tumultuous relationship waters.
Remember… You’re deserving of love and respect despite his hurtful confession.
It might seem like an uphill battle right now but trust me when I say this – You have the strength within yourself not only overcome but also grow through these challenging times!
Stay strong!
My Boyfriend Said I Disgust Him: What Next?
What was said has been said… so what next?
Assessing Your Emotions
When confronted with harsh words, it’s natural to feel a rush of emotions. Take a moment to understand your feelings. Anger, sadness and confusion are common in such scenarios.
However, remember that your feelings are valid. This isn’t the best time to make decisions – you need to give yourself some space to process what happened.
Now, taking care of yourself is your top priority. Try engaging in activities that boost your mood and help distract you from the situation at hand.
Taking Time for Reflection
Once you’re calm, it’s important to reflect on the incident objectively. Remember not to blame yourself as no one deserves such treatment.
Recall any previous signs of disrespect or similar encounters with him. This might help reveal whether this was an isolated incident or part of a bigger problem.
Handling Conversation Mindfully
Communication is key. When ready, approach your boyfriend for a candid conversation. Keep in mind – this should be done when both parties are calm and open for discussion.
You might want him to explain why he made such cruel remarks. Whether his explanation feels justified or not, communicate how his words affected you.
The Importance of Apologies
An apology is crucial here – but it needs to be genuine.
A heartfelt apology shows regret about what happened and the pain it caused. If he doesn’t consider apologizing or makes light of his hurtful words, this indicates a lack of respect for you and your feelings.
Rethinking Your Relationship
Post-conversation reflections can be quite enlightening.
Evaluate where your relationship stands now. If such demeaning behavior continues despite expressing how badly it affects you, this reveals deeper issues about respect and consideration in your relationship.
Seeking Professional Help
If things seem too tough to handle alone don’t hesitate seeking professional help.
Counselors and therapists can provide necessary guidance during turbulent times, helping cope with painful experiences while also ensuring personal growth.
Moving On: The Next Steps
The aftermath depends entirely on how things unfold post-conversation.
If efforts were made from both ends towards resolution then continue cautiously being mindful about repeated disrespectful behavior.
However if there’s no change then taking steps towards moving on might be healthier.
Remember- You deserve kindness and respect always.
You Might Need To Go In Another Direction…
The truth is, all relationships require work and continuous communication. I’ve been there, feeling like I’m struggling, but not knowing exactly why. What if I told you there’s a fun and interactive way to gain clarity on what you’re looking for in a relationship?
Meet the Dating Connect Card Game.
For me, this game isn’t just about having fun.
It’s a comprehensive guide that covers all aspects of dating, from that initial flutter in your stomach to the hard work of building a long-lasting relationship.
What I love about it is the range of questions and prompts. It’s like having a relationship coach right there on your coffee table.
But it’s not all just fun and games. This game is backed by science, incorporating techniques used in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), and mindfulness.
It pushes you to reflect on your own values, priorities, and preferences.
I’ve also found that in the process, I’ve gained a greater clarity about what I’m looking for in a partner and what I have to offer.
Here’s the best part…
With each game purchased, a part of the profits is donated to Feeding America. So while you’re discovering more about yourself and relationship, you’re also contributing to a good cause! 👌
Perfect for any occasion, I’ve found the Dating Connect Card Game to be the perfect gift for dads, boyfriends, and couples, whether it’s Father’s Day, an anniversary, or just a regular Tuesday. It’s more than just a game, it’s a tool for communication, a love language translator, and a heartfelt gesture, all in one neat package.
Further Advice…
When your boyfriend says something as hurtful as “I find you disgusting”, it could be a sign of a deeper issue in your relationship. One resource to help you navigate this kind of scenario is this article which provides insights on how to manage when faced with such a harsh statement.
Sometimes, words can be sparked by hidden jealousy. If he said this out of envy, it’s crucial to learn how to deal with jealousy in a relationship. This guide can teach you how to manage your emotions and communicate better with your partner.
On the other hand, if you’re experiencing constant comparisons between you and his ex-partner in a negative tone, this could be very damaging for your self-esteem and relationship. You might want to check out this advice on handling such situations.
Lastly, if he has expressed his desire to break up with you even in a joking manner, it may be a red flag about his commitment or feelings towards you. It would help if you read what should I do if my boyfriend jokingly says he wants to break up with me for more guidance.
