“My Boyfriend Says He’s Emotionally Unavailable”: How to Tackle This Relationship Roadblock Together

What’s Up? What’s The Issue?

Hey there, Soul Bonding Love!

I feel a bit weird writing to an advice column, but my friends are tired of hearing about it and I’m at my wit’s end. You guys seem to give pretty solid advice, so I thought, why not give it a shot?

So here goes: My boyfriend – let’s call him Jack – and I have been together for almost six months now. At the start, everything was perfect – as they always say it is in the beginning, right? We had this intense connection that felt like nothing else I’d experienced. He was sweet and attentive and we could talk about anything under the sun.

But lately… things have changed. Those deep conversations we used to have late into the night are rare now. And instead of being all in on our relationship, Jack seems distant and detached.

One day last week after dinner (which was unusually quiet), I decided to confront him about this coldness that had fallen over us. To my surprise (or maybe not), he admitted that he has been feeling “emotionally unavailable.” His exact words were: “I care about you deeply, but right now I just can’t connect on an emotional level.”

My heart sank as soon as he said that, because what does that even mean? Is this his fancy way of asking for a breakup or is it something we can work through gradually? What’s worse is he didn’t open up much after saying it either – helping me understand what exactly led to his emotional walls going up.

I knew he had baggage from past relationships – who doesn’t? But he assured me repeatedly in the beginning that his past was just ‘in the past’ and won’t get in our way.

Part of me wants to be patient with him since people handle stress differently – maybe his work has him under immense pressure or perhaps there’s something more personal bothering him which he isn’t ready to share with anyone including me! At this point, all these scenarios are just mere guesses based on crumbs of information.

But then another part of me feels rejected- feels like running away before getting hurt any further especially when somehow deep down inside every small indifference by him makes me feel like maybe I’m not worth his emotional investment anymore.

It’s exhausting going back and forth between these thoughts every single day yet holding onto hope thinking one day things might change; one day Jack will knock these walls down; one day we’ll be back where we started- connected emotionally completely understanding each other’s soul just like before!

Am I fooling myself here hoping against hope without having any clear idea what’s going inside his mind? Or should I stick around patiently giving us more time?

What do you think?

Totally Lost

The Raw And Honest Truth I Would Give To My Little Sis…

Dear Totally Lost,

If you were my little sis, I’d tell you, sweetheart, breathe!
Yeah, I know – easier said than done when your heart’s doing the tango in your chest. But believe me, it helps.

First thing’s first: remember that you’re not alone. Almost everyone goes through a phase like this in their relationship. The initial excitement fizzles out and things seem less shiny. That’s normal.

Now let’s talk about Jack and his sudden ’emotional unavailability.’ It could be that there is something going on with him personally or professionally that he’s not comfortable sharing yet. And sometimes people just need space to figure their stuff out. But it also could mean he’s rethinking the relationship – not necessarily the end of the world but certainly not what you want to hear right now.

The key here is communication. You both need to sit down and have an open and honest conversation about where things are headed without any assumptions or attributions – because let me tell you honey, assumptions will lead you down a labyrinth of confusion and they do no good for anyone involved!

Avoid approaching these conversations from a place of fear or insecurity because that can cloud your judgement and also be felt by your partner which might make them defensive instead of opening up.

If Jack still remains closed off even after attempting to communicate multiple times then respect yourself enough to decide whether this is something you can live with or if it’s time to move forward alone.

It’s important for us to recognize when it’s time for patience or when we’re just being strung along. Sometimes we are so in love with our vision of what we want our relationship to look like that we ignore the red flags hinting at a different reality.

You’re worth more than vague terms and mixed signals, so don’t forget your value in this whole equation! Understandably, emotions can blur those lines but remind yourself that being loved should never leave you feeling lost.

Sometimes letting go someone brings us closer in ways sticking around never could! So if things don’t work out as planned, don’t beat yourself over it! There’ll be better times ahead!

Hang in there!
A virtual big sis

Let’s get a deeper analysis, though…

Getting to Grips with ‘Emotionally Unavailable’

‘Emotionally unavailable.’ It’s a term that can sound somewhat harsh when your boyfriend uses it to describe himself. Firstly, let’s try and decode what it might mean. Often, when someone says they’re emotionally unavailable, they’re trying to communicate that they find it difficult to feel or express emotions in the same capacity as others do.

This isn’t necessarily a negative reflection on you or your relationship. It can often be rooted in past experiences or upbringing, where showing emotion may have been discouraged or seen as a sign of weakness.

It’s important not to immediately label them as ‘cold’ or ‘heartless’. Each person has their unique emotional language shaped by numerous internal and external factors.

Is This About Me Or Him?

Try not to take this personally. Likely, this emotional unavailability existed long before you came into the picture. It is not something he developed because of any flaws on your part.

Did his past involve traumatic events like loss, neglect, or abuse? Such experiences could have taught him that vulnerability leads to pain, so he puts up barriers not out of disdain for you but for self-protection.

Yet remember: You are not responsible for healing these wounds. While support and compassion are necessary, you can’t do all the work alone.

Possible Intentions Behind His Statement

The fact that he communicated his emotional unavailability with you is in itself a positive sign—indicating his willingness to be honest about his feelings (or lack thereof).

Your boyfriend might be trying to set boundaries, laying out what he can presently offer emotionally without misleading you about his capabilities.

Alternatively, it could be an unintentional cry for help—a tacit acknowledgment of an issue he grapples with and doesn’t quite understand how to navigate yet.

A Peek into Men’s Emotional Landscape

We live in a society where men are often pressured into suppressing their emotions; being ‘strong’ and ‘stoic’ is seen as desirable masculine traits. This emotional suppression sometimes manifests as “emotional unavailability.”

Remember though – this is in no way an excuse, but rather an inside peek into why some men struggle with expressing emotions openly.

Navigating This Relationship Roadblock Together:

Encourage open dialogue by expressing how much you value honesty in relationships. Tread carefully – it’s irrational (and unproductive) blame him for his coping mechanisms developed from past traumas.

Seek professional support if necessary – therapists trained specifically in men’s mental health issues can provide valuable insights and strategies.

Most importantly: take care of yourself too! Make sure your needs are met within the relationship whilst giving space for understanding.

Remember: Patience is key during this journey – change doesn’t happen overnight.

My Boyfriend Says He’S Emotionally Unavailable: What Next?

What was said has been said… so what next?

1. Recognising Emotional Unavailability: What It Means and Why It Matters

Sometimes it takes a while to realise that your partner may be emotionally unavailable. But when he himself admits it, you have to take his word for it. This means that he feels unable or unwilling to open up emotionally, share feelings or connect in a deeper level. There may be multiple reasons for this – past trauma, fear of vulnerability or even an inherent personality trait.
Remember, emotional availability is key for any successful relationship as it drives connection and intimacy. Lack of it can lead to frustration and heartache down the line.

2. Reflecting On Your Relationship: Spotting The Signs

No one jumps into a relationship hoping their partner would turn out to be emotionally unavailable. But now you know, it’s time to reflect on your relationship. Look back at instances where you felt emotionally distant or disconnected from him.
Ask yourself some tough questions – Did he make an effort to understand your emotions? Did he comfort you in difficult times? If not, these are significant signs of emotional unavailability.

3. Assessing Your Needs: A Crucial Step For You

Every individual has their own set of needs when it comes to relationships – this includes emotional needs too! Take some time out and assess what you need from a relationship.
Are emotional connections crucial for you? Are you comfortable with a partner who can’t express his feelings? Remember that your needs matter just as much as his does!

4. Communicating Your Feelings: The Power Of An Open Conversation

Now that you are aware of his situation and have assessed your own needs, let’s talk about expressing them openly.Talking about how you feel is important.
You can convey the impact of his behaviour on the relationship without being confrontational or judgemental.
Remember not all conversations will lead to immediate solutions but they surely pave the way towards clarity.

5.Navigating Emotionally Turbulent Times: Tips To Cope

Being with someone who’s emotionally unavailable isn’t easy—especially when your own emotions are likely in overdrive.
Here’s how to go about coping:Caring for yourself first.
Indulge in self-care activities like yoga, meditation or even just journaling about how this whole situation makes you feel.

6.Consider Getting Professional Help: Counselling Can Be Helpful

If things start feeling too heavy,and talking things over isn’t enough—you might want to consider professional help.
Counselling offers a safe space,
where both of can express emotions freely without judgement.Not only does counselling offer solutions but also helps unearth deep-seated issues which could be contributing towards his emotional unavailability.

7.Deciding What Comes Next For You And Your Relationship

Finally,you will reach a stage where making decisions becomes essential—whether continuing with this person,breaking up,maybe even maintaining distance might seem like good options.This decision should purely be on the basis of
Your personal well-being and happiness.

You Might Need To Go In Another Direction…

The truth is, all relationships require work and continuous communication. I’ve been there, feeling like I’m struggling, but not knowing exactly why. What if I told you there’s a fun and interactive way to gain clarity on what you’re looking for in a relationship?

Meet the Dating Connect Card Game.

For me, this game isn’t just about having fun.

It’s a comprehensive guide that covers all aspects of dating, from that initial flutter in your stomach to the hard work of building a long-lasting relationship.

What I love about it is the range of questions and prompts. It’s like having a relationship coach right there on your coffee table.

But it’s not all just fun and games. This game is backed by science, incorporating techniques used in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), and mindfulness.

It pushes you to reflect on your own values, priorities, and preferences.

I’ve also found that in the process, I’ve gained a greater clarity about what I’m looking for in a partner and what I have to offer.

Here’s the best part…

With each game purchased, a part of the profits is donated to Feeding America. So while you’re discovering more about yourself and relationship, you’re also contributing to a good cause! 👌

Perfect for any occasion, I’ve found the Dating Connect Card Game to be the perfect gift for dads, boyfriends, and couples, whether it’s Father’s Day, an anniversary, or just a regular Tuesday. It’s more than just a game, it’s a tool for communication, a love language translator, and a heartfelt gesture, all in one neat package.

Further Advice…

If your boyfriend has expressed that he’s emotionally unavailable, it’s important to take a few steps back and assess the situation. It could be that he’s going through a phase and needs time to figure things out, or there could be deeper issues at play. In this post, let’s explore some relevant articles on Soulbonding Love that could provide some insight.

First off, it will be beneficial to understand what it means when your boyfriend says his heart isn’t in it anymore. This article gives valuable insights on the possible reasons behind such statements and how you can handle the situation without losing your self-esteem.

Secondly, you might want to read up on what to do when your boyfriend tells you to stay away from him. These kinds of statements might seem harsh but understanding the possible driving factors behind them can help ease the tension.

Thirdly, if he’s emotionally closed off, it might be helpful to know how to explain love in a healthy way when your boyfriend says he doesn’t know what love is. Emphasizing communication and understanding in your relationship may encourage him to open up more.

Lastly, going through an emotional phase can cause friction and lead to mean words being exchanged. If your boyfriend has been hurling hurtful words towards you, this guide on how to handle situations where your boyfriend says mean things during fights could prove useful.
Remember, every relationship has its ups and downs; what matters is how we react and adapt during these challenging times!

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