What’s Up? What’s The Issue?
Hey Soul Bonding Love people,
I’m in a bit of a pickle and I need your help. Grab some tea because it’s gonna be a long one. So, I’ve been dating my guy for about a year and everything was all butterflies and roses until this past month.
It started strange.. one day he seemed slightly distant — brushed away my hand when I tried to hold his, didn’t respond to my texts as quick as usual, typical off behaviour for him you know? I kept telling myself that it’s probably just work stress or something like that.
Long story short, the other day we were watching Netflix like we usually do on Thursdays when out of the blue he drops this bomb on me, “I don’t find you attractive anymore.” Ouch! That hurt big time. Never in a million years would I have expected to hear those words from him. From the one person who used to tell me how beautiful I was every single day.
I wanted to confront him right then and there but instead, I just sat there stunned. He continued on trying to explain that his feelings have changed, but everything after his initial confession is kind of blur to me now.
Can you believe this? He told me he wasn’t attracted to ME! ME – the girl who has been by his side through thick and thin; The girl he told was his soulmate just a few months back.
Despite all these hurtful sentiments swirling around in my heart right now, part of me still wants things between us go back to ‘normal’. But hell if I know what normal is now!
So here’s where you come in – How should I handle this? Is there even any going back from something like this? More importantly, how does someone NOT internalize such devastating criticism coming from someone they love?
Please guide me because as of now all seems lost…
With hopes,
Confused & Heartbroken
The Raw And Honest Truth I Would Give To My Little Sis…
If you were my little sis, here’s what I’d tell you…
Firstly, your feelings are valid and it’s okay to feel hurt, confused, and heartbroken. It’s a natural response to such a harsh revelation.
Remember, you are not defined by anyone else’s opinion – not even your partner’s. You are wonderfully made, just the way you are. His attraction or lack thereof doesn’t change that.
Now, it sucks – yes I know – but this is a critical moment for self-love. It may seem difficult now but make an effort to keep repeating positive affirms about yourself every day.
In terms of your relationship, honest communication is key. Skip the blame game and strive for understanding instead. Ask him why he feels this way?
Did something happen? Is there something he thinks both of you can collectively work on?
Acknowledge his feelings too. They’re as valid as yours.
With that said, remember-it takes two to tango. If he isn’t willing to put in the work or communicate effectively, then it might be time for some serious consideration on your end. Does this relationship still serve you?
And if it ends up not working out with him (which I hope isn’t the case), remember there will be someone else out there who will see all the beauty within you without any need for doubt.
You deserve love that doesn’t fluctuate.
Finally,seek professional help if needed. A therapist could provide tools necessary for dealing with such hurtful sentiments while maintaining self-esteem.
Be gentle with yourself during this tough time and don’t hesitate to lean on friends and family for support.
You’re stronger than you think sweetie, trust me!
Take Care,
Your Virtual Big Sis
Let’s get a deeper analysis, though…
Let’s Talk About Attraction
Firstly, let’s take a minute to understand what attraction really means. It’s not always about physical looks or sexual magnetism. It can encompass intellectual stimulation, emotional companionship and even value alignment. So when your boyfriend says he’s not attracted to you, don’t immediately assume it’s a reflection of your physical appearance.
Navigating the Minefield of Words
What did he exactly say? Digging into his words can help discern his true intentions. If he said outright that he isn’t attracted to you anymore, there might be underlying issues at play here. However, if it was more along the lines of “I’m not feeling the same level of attraction”, then it could merely be a reflection of current circumstances – stress at work or personal problems.
An Honest Reflection: His Point Of View
Remember that your boyfriend may also be grappling with this revelation just as much as you are. He probably didn’t wake up one morning deciding not to find you attractive anymore. This could very likely be something that has been bothering him for some time and took great courage to admit.
Being vocal about this concern could mean he is actually seeking ways to find a solution together rather than breaking up.
Reflecting on Your Relationship Dynamics
It’s imperative now to reflect on your relationship itself. Has there been distance growing between you two? Have there been fewer shared moments, days without laughter or deep conversations? Sometimes a dip in attraction may result due to emotional distance growing inside the relationship.
The Not-So-Great Possibility: The Intent To Break Up?
I hate to bring this up but it’s always wise considering all aspects when dealing with such sensitive matters. When someone confesses they are no longer attracted, it sometimes is a prelude to breaking up.
If this was presented alongside complaints about the relationship or clear signs of disinterest, we might have already moved past solution-seeking territory and entered break-up land.
Your Worth Does Not Equal His Attraction Towards You
Finally and most importantly: in case things do end up sour – remember that his attraction towards you (or lack thereof) does not define your worthiness as an individual or as a romantic partner.
You’re more than just someone else’s perception and attractiveness is highly subjective anyway.
My Boyfriend Said He Isn’T Attracted To Me: What Next?
What was said has been said… so what next?
When the Words Hit: Handling the Initial Shock
Let’s be real: that’s a hard pill to swallow. However, it’s important to remember that this doesn’t make you any less desirable or worthy of love. Our attractions ebb and flow, and this might have more to do with him than you. Take a moment for yourself. Breathe. Don’t react immediately; emotions are high right now.
The Aftermath: Unpacking Your Feelings
So, he said it and the world hasn’t ended. It hurts, but let’s take some time to process these feelings. Understandably, your self-esteem may have taken a hit and you’re probably wondering if there is something wrong with you. But remember: you are not defined by anyone else’s perception of you. Explore your emotions in-depth – journal it, talk to someone trustworthy or seek professional help if needed.
Navigating Conversations: How to Talk About It?
Next up is talking about it – what he meant, why he feels this way…the whole nine yards. Maintain an open mind and heart because this conversation can be uncomfortable for both parties. Ask direct questions compassionately without blame or accusations.
Analyzing His Words: What Does Lack of Attraction Really Mean?
It could mean various things about his emotional state or your relationship status but let’s not jump into conclusion yet! Maybe he’s going through something personal or perhaps there’s an issue in the relationship? Or he might just not feel “the spark” anymore? Again, his feelings don’t define your worth.
Your Worthiness: Time for Some Self-Love
Take time to reflect on all the things that make you uniquely wonderful. You deserve love and attraction — don’t base your self-worth on one person’s opinion.Your value is inherent; no one can take that away from you.
Moving Forward : What Next?
Now that we’ve unpacked our feelings and had THE conversation – what’s next? Depending on how it went, maybe counseling could be beneficial? Or perhaps we need time apart? Or maybe we have come at crossroads where ending things seems like the best option?The choice will ultimately be up to YOU – honor your feelings!
Growing from This Experience
Finally remember – every experience teaches us something about ourselves – good times as well as hard ones like these! Maybe this was an opportunity for self-reflection or growth?This isn’t failure – this is life unfolding as it should!Please know that there are plenty of fish in the sea who will find you attractive just as YOU ARE!
You Might Need To Go In Another Direction…
The truth is, all relationships require work and continuous communication. I’ve been there, feeling like I’m struggling, but not knowing exactly why. What if I told you there’s a fun and interactive way to gain clarity on what you’re looking for in a relationship?
Meet the Dating Connect Card Game.
For me, this game isn’t just about having fun.
It’s a comprehensive guide that covers all aspects of dating, from that initial flutter in your stomach to the hard work of building a long-lasting relationship.
What I love about it is the range of questions and prompts. It’s like having a relationship coach right there on your coffee table.
But it’s not all just fun and games. This game is backed by science, incorporating techniques used in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), and mindfulness.
It pushes you to reflect on your own values, priorities, and preferences.
I’ve also found that in the process, I’ve gained a greater clarity about what I’m looking for in a partner and what I have to offer.
Here’s the best part…
With each game purchased, a part of the profits is donated to Feeding America. So while you’re discovering more about yourself and relationship, you’re also contributing to a good cause! 👌
Perfect for any occasion, I’ve found the Dating Connect Card Game to be the perfect gift for dads, boyfriends, and couples, whether it’s Father’s Day, an anniversary, or just a regular Tuesday. It’s more than just a game, it’s a tool for communication, a love language translator, and a heartfelt gesture, all in one neat package.
Further Advice…
If your boyfriend has expressed a lack of attraction towards you, it can be an incredibly painful experience. However, it’s important to remember that attraction is not only about physical appearance but also emotional connection and respect. You might find value in this piece on how to tell if your boyfriend is still attracted to you.
In troubling times like these, it’s crucial not to lose yourself or your self-worth in the relationship. Reading about how to balance respect and independence in a relationship could help you navigate this difficult time.
Furthermore, this episode might be a symptom of deeper issues in the relationship. If he is comparing you with his ex or making hurtful statements, perhaps our article on what to do if your boyfriend says his ex was better than you and handling situations when your boyfriend says mean things during fights could provide some perspective.
Remember, communication is key and understanding how and when to communicate can make a big difference in your relationship.
