What’s Up? What’s The Issue?

Hey there, Soul Bonding Love. I’ve got this really gnarly situation and I don’t know what to do about it. So, here goes. My boyfriend and I have been together for three years now. You’d think that’s long enough to know if you want to spend your life with someone, right?

Well, a few nights ago we were doing our usual Netflix and chill routine when some show about weddings came on. Not thinking much of it, I made an offhand comment about how cute the couple looked when they exchanged vows (I mean seriously, those matching tuxes were beyond adorable). Next thing I know, he’s dropping this bombshell on me out of nowhere: “Don’t get any ideas”, he says, “because I’m never going to marry you.”

What in the what?! It was like one second we’re laughing at some octogenarian’s dance moves and the next my dreams are shattered like a mirror that just met a sledgehammer!

Obviously upset (like who wouldn’t be?), I asked him why he said such an awful thing…trying desperately not to get all ‘Niagara Falls’ with my emotions. His response? He starts telling me how marriage is just a piece of paper and it doesn’t define love and blah blah blah… all while wearing this nonchalant expression that makes me feel like I’m overreacting or something!

I mean yeah sure maybe marriage started off as some kind of societal construct but isn’t it so much more than that nowadays? To me it’s about commitment…it’s about standing up in front of your friends, family or officiant named Chad from online certification (whatevs) declaring ‘this is my person’. Am I wrong for wanting that validation?

So here we are now…couples therapy or ice-cream binge recommendations are welcome! Give it to me straight – am I overthinking this or is there something deeper going on here?

The Raw And Honest Truth I Would Give To My Little Sis…

If you were my little sis, the first piece of advice I’d give you is this: Communication is key! It seems like this bombshell came out of nowhere, but it’s possible he’s been harboring these feelings for a while. You two need to sit down and have an open, calm and mature discussion about your futures.

You’re not overreacting. Your feelings are valid! If marriage is something important to you, then it’s worth discussing in depth – even if it makes both of you uncomfortable. And maybe his comment wasn’t meant to be hurtful. Maybe he’s just bad with words (aren’t we all sometimes?). But again, the only way to know for sure is to talk.

One thing I’ll caution though – don’t rush into a decision or ultimatum. It’s easy when we’re upset or feeling cornered to demand immediate answers or actions… but that could lead to regret later on. So take some time, gather your thoughts and approach the conversation with empathy and understanding.

Also remember he’s entitled to his opinions too. Just as you see marriage as a deep commitment and validation of love, he might genuinely see it as unnecessary. Doesn’t mean either one of you is wrong…just different perspectives.

But here’s what’s really important – You need someone who respects your dreams and values. If his vision doesn’t align with yours (and he isn’t open for compromise), then maybe it’s time for some serious thinking about whether this relationship can work long-term.

As for ice cream binge recommendations? My top choice right now would be mint chocolate chip!

Let’s get a deeper analysis, though…

Decoding His Message

When your boyfriend says he will never marry you, it throws you into a tumult of emotions. It’s okay to feel shocked, hurt, and even panic. But let’s take a deep breath and break down his words. “I will never marry you.” These words are final and sound absolute. They leave no room for compromise or change, right? Well, not always.

The Fear Factor

Often the phrase “I will never” is a shield that people use when they’re scared. Marriage is no small deal; it’s a lifetime commitment filled with responsibilities. He might say ‘never’ because he may be terrified of failing at being your husband or he may be worried about the sacrifices and compromises that come with marriage.

Commitment Phobia?

There is also the possibility that your boyfriend has a fear of commitment; not just to you but to marriage as an institution. For some people – men and women alike – the idea of being tied down forever feels restrictive and limiting.
Saying ‘never’ could simply be his coping mechanism.

A History Lesson

It could also have something to do with his past experiences – perhaps he has been burnt before or witnessed failed marriages very closely (like his parents’ separation). Marriages ending in divorces can leave lasting scars making him close off from the idea altogether.

Perspective on Marriage

He might also have a different perspective on marriage itself – this doesn’t necessarily mean negative but simply different. Some people don’t see marriage as a necessary step in their romantic relationships.
‘I love you + We are together = Happy Life’, they argue.
Why need the piece of paper or ring?

Honesty Or Selfishness?

When your partner tells you directly ‘I won’t ever marry you’, it can actually be seen from two angles: brutal honesty or sheer selfishness.
There’s an element of respect there – honesty about his feelings rather than leading you on falsely.
On flip side, it could also signify selfishness- if he knows how much importance you put in marriage but still choose to disregard it whilst wanting all other benefits of being in relationship.

The truth often lies somewhere between these interpretations.

In any case, where do we go from here? First thing: don’t panic! Let’s break it down further:

Adequate Communication is Key!

Communicate how this statement makes you feel without attacking him personally (trust me girl! attacking won’t help!). Ask questions like:
– What are your fears around marriage?
– Have there been instances which have shaped this thought?
– Do our future definitions match?

This conversation needs patience & emotional intelligence at both ends.

Remember though – as hard-standing as his ‘no’ seems right now – things can change over time based on how both partners evolve within their relationship dynamic.

My Boyfriend Said He Will Never Marry Me: What Next?

What was said has been said… so what next?

1. Realising the Impact of His Words

We totally get it. Hearing that your boyfriend won’t marry you can leave you feeling distraught and unsure about your future together. It’s important to first identify and acknowledge your feelings during this time.
This might have shaken you to your core, but remember, it’s okay to feel hurt or betrayed by this revelation.

Emotions are a natural part of our reactions in such situations, so don’t suppress them.

2. Taking Some Time For Yourself

Hold up! Before rushing into any decision, take some time for yourself. This isn’t about sulking or dwelling on his words, it’s about gaining perspective. Perspective is crucial, as it allows us to see things clearly without the interference of raw emotions.

You need this space to figure out what his declaration means for you and where you stand in this relationship.

3. Having an Open Conversation with Him

Once you’ve gathered your thoughts, it’s time for an open dialogue with him about this marriage issue. Remember not to approach him with anger or resentment; instead seek clarity.

Make sure he understands how his words have affected you and why marriage is important in your life.

4. Evaluating Other Aspects of Your Relationship

In relationships, marriage isn’t the only indicator of commitment levels or love between two people.
Rather than focusing just on the ‘marriage’ aspect, evaluate other facets of your relationship too.

Are there other signs pointing towards a lack of commitment from him? Or has he been truly invested in every other way?

5. Pondering Upon Your Must-Haves vs Nice-to-Haves in a Relationship

Take some time out to think about what are your non-negotiables when it comes to love and relationships.
If marriage is a must-have for you, then perhaps reassessing this relationship may be warranted.

However, if it falls under a nice-to-have category and all else is going well – then maybe reconsider his stance.

6. Consulting Trusted Friends or Family Members

Sometimes we all need a little helping hand when dealing with complex matters like these.
Speak openly about the situation with someone whomyou trust implicitly.

Their opinions can provide additional perspectives which might help gain further clarity.

7. Choosing What’s Best for You

At the end of day remember – whatever decision you make should be in your best interest.
Your happiness matters most,, whether that involves pursuing marriage or continuing happily without tying the knot.

Further Advice…

Dealing with feelings of rejection and confusion when your boyfriend has explicitly told you that he doesn’t want to get married can be challenging. It’s essential to have a clear understanding of your partner’s perspective and how it affects your relationship. This article on why my boyfriend says no to marriage might provide some insights into his mindset.

It’s equally important not to draw hasty conclusions about his love for you based on this one statement. Many reasons, personal or otherwise, might make someone hesitant about the idea of marriage. An interesting piece to consider is how to explain love in a healthy way if your boyfriend has expressed confusion about what love is.

If this rejection makes you feel less desirable or lovable, remember that attraction varies from person to person and it doesn’t determine your worth. Reading is my boyfriend still attracted me? might help mitigate some insecurities.

Finally, try to maintain an open dialogue with him about his fears or concerns regarding marriage. If he continually avoids discussing the topic, you may find it helpful to understand why your boyfriend wants space and the best ways to respect it while addressing significant relationship issues.