What’s Up? What’s The Issue?
Hey there,
First, let me say, I have been an avid reader of Soul Bonding Love for quite a while now and I have never thought I would need to write in, but here we are. I’m really struggling and desperate for advice.
So, my boyfriend of 3 months has just dropped a bombshell on our relationship. We were enjoying a cozy Netflix night in when outta the blue – he said it. “I don’t think I’m attracted to you anymore.” Like seriously? There was no argument or any indication that this was about to happen – he just said it.
We both exchanged “I love you”s not even two weeks ago! But now this? How could his feelings change so dramatically over such a short period of time? Of course, this wasn’t easy for him either. His face read regret immediately after he said those words.
I felt like my world came crashing down around me like those all too perfect houses in movies when they’re demolished. My heart sank deep into my chest – you could probably hear it hit the bottom if you listened close enough. And then the tears came – like Niagara Falls suddenly appeared from my eyes.
Throughout our relationship, we’ve had fabulous chemistry–both emotionally and physically–we’re literally PDA champions here! We’d hold hands whilst walking around town; share sweet whispers in public; surprise each other with affectionate touches throughout the day…but now?
In response to his confession, I asked him if he wanted to break up and he quickly denied it saying that he still loves me very much but that the physical attraction isn’t as strong as before–whatever that even means! Can you fall out of attraction but still be in love?
After that conversation, everything felt super awkward between us putting an enormous strain on everything we do together and breaking down what once was an amazing connection.
My mind is swirling with questions: Has he met someone else who’s more physically attractive to him? Did something change about me without me realizing? Have his standards changed or something? Is he simply bored with our routine now?
Sorry for such a long mail but honestly, right now any sign of hope would help because right now things seem pretty hopeless here.
The Raw And Honest Truth I Would Give To My Little Sis…
If you were my little sis, the first thing I’d probably tell you is that it’s okay to be upset. What your boyfriend said was hurtful and confusing. You’re allowed to feel all the hurt, anger, and frustration that comes with what he said.
But here’s the tough part. Sometimes attraction does fade in relationships, even when love is still present. It’s a hard thing to understand, but it can happen – especially in the early stages of a relationship like yours. You’ve only been dating for three months and sometimes during this period people realize they aren’t as attracted to their partner as they initially thought they were.
Don’t start blaming yourself or making up scenarios in your head like him finding someone else more attractive or you changing without realizing it. This way of thinking will only lead you down a rabbit hole of insecurity and self-doubt.
The best course of action? Have an open and honest conversation with him about how he’s feeling – not only about his attraction towards you but also how he sees your relationship moving forward. It might be painful, but it’s necessary.
Given what he said though, there might be some difficult realities for you both to face up to. Just remember while attraction is important, so is respect. He may love you very much, but saying “I don’t think I’m attracted to you anymore” without any kind of explanation or discussion beforehand isn’t respectful.
It sounds like right now things are super awkward between the two of you – that’s totally understandable given what just happened! But try not let this situation turn into a drawn-out painful period for both of you because nobody deserves that.
Finally sis,“You deserve someone who loves and respects you unconditionally.” If unfortunately things don’t work out between him and yourself then remember there are other fish in sea (as cliché as that may sound). The most important thing right now is ensuring your emotional wellbeing remains intact amidst all this chaos.
Let’s get a deeper analysis, though…
Decoding the Message: “I’m Not Attracted to You Anymore”
When someone you care about says “I’m not attracted to you anymore”, it can feel like a punch to the gut. Truth be told, it’s hurtful and hard not to take it personally. However, let’s put on our detective hats for a moment and try to unpack what this statement might actually mean.
The Emotional Factor
First things first: attraction is not just physical. It’s also emotional. If your boyfriend expresses that he’s not attracted to you anymore, it might be a sign that he doesn’t feel emotionally connected or contented with your relationship as before. It may signal some unresolved emotional issues between the two of you.
The Comfort Zone
Another possibility is that the exciting newness of your relationship has faded over time (as often happens with most relationships). The sparks are dampened now as what was once new and exciting becomes common and predictable. The lack of attraction could indicate a desire for novelty or excitement – something we all crave from time-to-time.
Assessing Intent Behind His Words
Now just because he said these words, doesn’t automatically mean he wants out of the relationship. Sometimes people say things in frustration or confusion without fully understanding their emotions.
The Need for Communication
It could very well be that your partner expressed these sentiments as an SOS – a call for change, better communication or more effort in certain aspects of your relationship.
A Clueless Man-Child?
It’s also possible he might have uttered those words without realizing their true impact on you (Sometimes, men can be surprisingly clueless!). This could indicate a lack of emotional intelligence on his part – or simply poor communication skills.
Navigating This Rough Patch: Rekindling Desire
Trust me when I say this situation isn’t insurmountable! Sure, rekindling desire takes some effort but with patience and understanding, consider this merely another mountain in Love Land that both of you need to climb together.
Heart-to-Heart Conversations
Start by having open conversations about how his words made you feel and invite him to share his feelings too.
Create Shared Experiences
Creating new shared experiences can reignite the spark between both of you. Maybe go salsa dancing – or maybe try out pottery-making? Anything fun!
Show Your Best Self
Try investing more time nurturing yourself physically and emotionally – this will naturally boost your self-esteem – which often increases attraction too!
Remember sweetie; every storm has its rainbow! These bumps are all part & parcel of being in love! Don’t lose heart yet – roll up those sleeves & get ready for love’s rollercoaster ride!
My Boyfriend Said He’S Not Attracted To Me: What Next?
What was said has been said… so what next?
1. Navigating Your Initial Feelings
Few things sting as sharply as hearing that your boyfriend is not attracted to you. Those words can feel like a gut punch, and it’s okay to hurt. Give yourself some space and time to process this information; there’s no need to rush or make any immediate decisions.
This isn’t the time for blaming yourself or thinking about what you could have done differently. This is a moment for self-care and understanding that your worth is not defined by anyone else’s perceptions.
2. Taking a Step Back
Once the initial shock subsides, try to take a step back from the situation. This may seem difficult but remember, it’s important for clarity.
You might want to consider whether his lack of attraction is based on physical appearance or emotional connection – often it’s deeper than just surface level.
A temporary break might also be beneficial – it can provide room for introspection and help both parties gain perspective.
3. Opening Up the Lines of Communication
The key in any relationship issue—whether complex or simple—is effective communication.
If you feel ready, sit down together and talk openly about his feelings; ask him why he feels this way.
This conversation may provide clarity on where your relationship stands, offer explanations, and possibly even mend things.
4. Evaluating Your Relationship
The fact that your boyfriend told you how he feels could be an indication of honesty in your relationship—many people choose not disclose such issues.
Analyze other aspects of your bond; do they outweigh his lack of attraction?
If so, are both of you ready to work past it? Or do these feelings reflect larger issues?
5. Making Decisions About Your Love Life
If working through these feelings seems feasible—and if all parties are willing—you might consider staying together while seeking solutions. Maybe consulting with a couple’s counselor could facilitate healthy dialogue.
If the feelings don’t change despite efforts made or if there’s resulting toxicity then perhaps breaking up becomes an option.
6. Coping With A Potential Break-Up
No one signs up for heartbreak but sometimes it’s inevitable part of our love lives.
Losing someone can be tough yet try focusing on personal growth instead of dwelling on loss—it isn’t easy but eventually healing happens.
7. Moving Forward with Self-Love
Your self-worth isn’t determined by someone else’s view—don’t forget that! Remember emotions aren’t permanent—it will get better over time.
Journeying through self-healing after letting go teaches us life long lessons—lessons we carry forward into future relationships enriching our experiences continually.
You Might Need To Go In Another Direction…
The truth is, all relationships require work and continuous communication. I’ve been there, feeling like I’m struggling, but not knowing exactly why. What if I told you there’s a fun and interactive way to gain clarity on what you’re looking for in a relationship?
Meet the Dating Connect Card Game.
For me, this game isn’t just about having fun.
It’s a comprehensive guide that covers all aspects of dating, from that initial flutter in your stomach to the hard work of building a long-lasting relationship.
What I love about it is the range of questions and prompts. It’s like having a relationship coach right there on your coffee table.
But it’s not all just fun and games. This game is backed by science, incorporating techniques used in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), and mindfulness.
It pushes you to reflect on your own values, priorities, and preferences.
I’ve also found that in the process, I’ve gained a greater clarity about what I’m looking for in a partner and what I have to offer.
Here’s the best part…
With each game purchased, a part of the profits is donated to Feeding America. So while you’re discovering more about yourself and relationship, you’re also contributing to a good cause! 👌
Perfect for any occasion, I’ve found the Dating Connect Card Game to be the perfect gift for dads, boyfriends, and couples, whether it’s Father’s Day, an anniversary, or just a regular Tuesday. It’s more than just a game, it’s a tool for communication, a love language translator, and a heartfelt gesture, all in one neat package.
Further Advice…
When your boyfriend says he’s not attracted to you anymore, it can be a heart-wrenching experience. But remember, it’s crucial to handle such situations with wisdom and maturity. A good starting point would be this article on “Is My Boyfriend Still Attracted To Me?”.
For relationships to succeed, communication is key. If you have been having difficulty understanding your boyfriend’s behavior or statements, reading “What Should I Do If My Boyfriend Jokingly Says He Wants To Break Up With Me?” might be enlightening.
There are many reasons why someone may say hurtful things in a relationship. Perhaps your boyfriend is struggling with his own insecurities or challenges. If you’re looking for a way forward regarding this, it would be helpful to check out the post “My Boyfriend Said Something Hurtful.”
Moreover, jealousy plays a significant role in any relationship and dealing with it effectively can help create a more loving and understanding bond between partners. Therefore, the article “Is Jealousy Ruining Your Relationship? How To Deal With A Boyfriend Who Says You’re Jealous” may provide you with effective strategies to manage jealousy in your relationship.
