What’s Up? What’s The Issue?
Hey Soul Bonding Love,
I’m feeling pretty down right now and I don’t quite know how to deal with it. I thought this would be the perfect place to ask for advice since you’ve always been so spot on with your relationship expertise.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years, and recently we’ve been facing a rough patch. Last night we had an argument about the changes in our relationship. The frequency of our dates has dwindled, the spark seems to be diminishing, and I’ve voiced my concerns about this before but he always brushed them aside saying he’s just busy or stressed.
So yesterday after another long day without a call or text from him, I confronted him about it head-on. No beating around the bush this time – just straight up asking what was wrong. That’s when he dropped the bomb on me. He said ‘he didn’t find me attractive anymore’. Didn’t mince his words at all!
It felt like a punch to my gut! I mean… him not finding me attractive? Ouch! That really hurt me more than anything else could have.
Don’t get me wrong – we all age, put on weight or lose some due to various reasons; life happens, right? But his words made me feel so devalued. We were never about looks anyway! When we started dating two years ago – both of us appreciated each other’s personalities more than anything else.
I’d rather him say that he doesn’t love me than say that he doesn’t find me attractive anymore! It’s so hard because I still love him dearly and feel attracted to him in every possible way – physically and emotionally. Suddenly everything feels unstable –
Does this mean our relationship is over? Is physical attraction so important even after having such a deep emotional connection?
I’m feeling lost here really… any advice would be greatly appreciated!
The Raw And Honest Truth I Would Give To My Little Sis…
If you were my little sis, the first thing I’d tell you is that it’s okay to hurt. That statement would punch a hole in anyone’s self-esteem, especially when it comes from someone we trust and love. This is a tough time, so give yourself permission to feel this pain –
there’s nothing wrong with being upset about something like this.
But, let me ask you something: why should his opinion define your worth?
I know it’s hard to understand right now because you’re in pain, but his attraction towards you doesn’t determine your value or beauty. You are still the same person he fell in love with – strong, beautiful inside out and an incredible personality.
The beauty standards of one person don’t define who you are.
Honestly, his confession might even be a blessing in disguise. It may sound harsh but a man who doesn’t appreciate your beauty – inside and out – does not deserve your attention or love.
Yes, physical attraction plays a role in any relationship but to say that physical attraction trumps emotional connection? Come on! He doesn’t seem mature enough to understand what truly matters and this is not your fault.
Sis, remember it’s not up to him to validate your attractiveness or self-worth. Love isn’t supposed to make us feel inadequate.
That said, don’t rush into making any decisions yet. Take some time for yourself. Breathe and think things through without letting emotions overrule – allow your heartache some space but don’t let it cloud your judgment;
You need clarity right now more than anything else.
If after everything cool-headed thinking affirms that what he said truly hurts you more than his absence would then maybe it’s time to consider parting ways – there’s no need forcing things if the respect isn’t mutual anymore.
Listen sweetheart– Being single vs being with someone who devalues you? I’d choose single any day!
In the end remember: A bumpy patch can either break us or make us stronger – Your worth isn’t dependent on anyone else’s perception of attractiveness, including those we deeply care about!<
Let’s get a deeper analysis, though…
Decoding His Words: “I Don’t Find You Attractive”
Before we delve into the nitty-gritty, it’s essential to remember that you are not defined by someone else’s opinion of you. Yes, your boyfriend said he doesn’t find you attractive. It certainly stings, but it doesn’t mean you aren’t. Looks are highly subjective; what one person finds attractive may not appeal to another.
The statement could also be born out of several scenarios; he might be frustrated about something unrelated or even projecting his insecurities onto you. We often hurt those closest to us by saying things we don’t mean. This is why understanding the context and his intent is vital.
Possibly More Than Meets The Eye
When your boyfriend says he does not find you attractive, it does not necessarily relate only to physical attractiveness. Often, such statements are indicative of deeper issues in the relationship.
Could there be unresolved conflicts or unmet expectations?
If there has been a strain in your relationship recently or simmering issues that have been left unaddressed, this could simply be a manifestation of that dissatisfaction.
Is it about emotional disconnection?
Attraction isn’t just about looks; emotional compatibility plays a massive role too. If he feels emotionally disconnected due to neglected needs or failed communication attempts, his overall attraction towards you might wane.
The Importance Of Communication
Remember honey, communication is key. Rather than making assumptions about what his words meant – sit down with him and have an open discussion. Get him on board for a conversation without any judgement or defensiveness from either side.
Ask him:
What did he mean when he said those words? Was this purely physical or were there other aspects involved? What led him to feel and express this way?
Just as important as hearing his explanation will be expressing how these words made you feel hurtful and confused.
Navigating Your Feelings Post-Disclosure
It’s completely okay if post-discussion emotions leave you feeling vulnerable and unsure – this is a big blow to any woman’s self-esteem!. But let’s use this as an opportunity for self-growth rather than self-deprecation.
Create Space:
Don’t rush into making decisions immediately after having the conversation – give yourself some breathing space.
Self-love:
Remember that external validation should never determine one’s self-worth – instead invest in self-love and care.
Finding Support:
Seek comfort in trusted friends who understand your situation – they might provide alternate perspectives which can aid clarity.
Rekindling The Spark In Your Relationship
Once both of you understand where these feelings are stemming from, try working together towards resolution.
Redefine attractiveness:
Talk about what each one finds attractive in the other- this could reaffirm your bonds and also highlight areas where attention could help.
Romantic gestures:
Making affectionate gestures can reignite sparks slowly but surely.
However, despite all efforts if things seem bleak- it’s alright! Sometimes relationships just run their course no matter how hard we try holding onto them – because at the end of the day darling,“You’re worth more than someone who doesn’t see your worth.”.
My Boyfriend Said He Doesn’T Find Me Attractive: What Next?
What was said has been said… so what next?
1. Taking a Pause: The Moment of Shock
It’s okay to feel shocked and hurt. Your feelings are valid and it’s part of the process. Take some time to let the words sink in, and allow yourself to feel those emotions. It might be tempting to immediately react, but pausing for a moment can prevent you from saying something you might regret later. Remember that what he said is about his feelings, not your worth.
2. Not a Reflection of You: A New Perspective
This phrase most likely reflects his personal preferences rather than your attractiveness. Try not to internalize the comment as a measure of your worth or appeal. Everyone has unique tastes, and just because he expresses this doesn’t mean you’re any less attractive.
3. Honest Chat: Open Up About Your Feelings
An essential step is having an open discussion about your feelings. Express how his words affected you, but remember: keep calm during this conversation and try not to accuse him or escalate the situation.
4.The Unanswered Questions: Ask What He Means
You need clarification on what he meant by his statement – does he mean physically attractive? Emotionally? Intellectually? Ask him questions calmly to gain more understanding of where he’s coming from.
5.The Potential Solutions: What Can Be Changed?
If there are aspects that can be changed or improved without compromising your identity or self-worth, then explore these avenues together – like exercising as a couple or exploring new hobbies together… etc.. But remember, never change just for someone else’s approval!
6.The Decision Time:Bearing Your Worth in Mind
If after discussions there’s no satisfactory resolution in sight; it may be time for tough decisions – like considering if this relationship is best for you both or should move on separately?
7. Above All: Self-Love and Self-Respect
No matter what happens next in this saga or any other similar situation; self-love must always be paramount! It will help guide future choices with self-respect at their core.
You Might Need To Go In Another Direction…
The truth is, all relationships require work and continuous communication. I’ve been there, feeling like I’m struggling, but not knowing exactly why. What if I told you there’s a fun and interactive way to gain clarity on what you’re looking for in a relationship?
Meet the Dating Connect Card Game.
For me, this game isn’t just about having fun.
It’s a comprehensive guide that covers all aspects of dating, from that initial flutter in your stomach to the hard work of building a long-lasting relationship.
What I love about it is the range of questions and prompts. It’s like having a relationship coach right there on your coffee table.
But it’s not all just fun and games. This game is backed by science, incorporating techniques used in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), and mindfulness.
It pushes you to reflect on your own values, priorities, and preferences.
I’ve also found that in the process, I’ve gained a greater clarity about what I’m looking for in a partner and what I have to offer.
Here’s the best part…
With each game purchased, a part of the profits is donated to Feeding America. So while you’re discovering more about yourself and relationship, you’re also contributing to a good cause! 👌
Perfect for any occasion, I’ve found the Dating Connect Card Game to be the perfect gift for dads, boyfriends, and couples, whether it’s Father’s Day, an anniversary, or just a regular Tuesday. It’s more than just a game, it’s a tool for communication, a love language translator, and a heartfelt gesture, all in one neat package.
Further Advice…
When you’re in a relationship, it’s crucial that you feel attractive and desired by your partner. If your boyfriend said he doesn’t find you attractive anymore, it can be a devastating feeling. It’s worthwhile to consider his motivation for saying such hurtful words.
In some cases, your partner might just be inconsiderate, as some people can be really insensitive when expressing their feelings. They might not even realize how their words are affecting their partners.
Are you questioning whether your boyfriend said he doesn’t find you attractive anymore due to natural changes in a relationship or because there’s an underlying problem? Your boyfriend could also be projecting his insecurities about himself onto you. If that’s the case, it might be indicative of him believing he’s superior to you.
Your boyfriend’s remarks about your attractiveness could also stem from jealousy issues. This is especially true if he feels threatened by the fact that other men find you appealing. Check out this article on how to deal with jealousy in a relationship for more insight.
Finally, remember that everyone has a different perception of beauty and attractiveness which makes us unique as individuals. So even if your boyfriend doesn’t find you attractive, it does not mean that others won’t find you beautiful too. This article about what to do when your boyfriend thinks another girl is prettier than you, helps put things into perspective.
