“My Boyfriend Just Told Me He Has a Child”: How to Embrace This Surprising Revelation and Strengthen Your Relationship

“My Boyfriend Just Told Me He Has a Child”: How to Embrace This Surprising Revelation and Strengthen Your Relationship

What’s Up? What’s The Issue?

Hey Soul Bonding Love team,

How’s it going? You’ve always given me some solid advice, so once again, I’m here needing your help.

So last night, over dinner at our favourite Japanese restaurant, Jeff (my boyfriend), right when I was about to put a piece of sushi in my mouth and babbling about something random like socks with sandals, tells me he has to come clean about something. And there it dropped…he has a 5-year-old son from a previous relationship. Honestly? I was shocked. Felt like I had been drop-kicked by surprise.

It’s not that I’m against dating men who have kids or anything but this change came out of nowhere. We’ve been together almost eight months and he waited THIS long to tell me? Yes, we’ve had the talk where we shared the ‘must-know’ things and yes! his past relationships were part of our conversation but this is huge! His having a kid was never even remotely tipped at during any of these conversations.

I mean c’mon! We’ve got plans for concerts two months from now, last month we celebrated my nephew’s first birthday together and there wasn’t any hint of him being familiar with the toddler stuff or that he too could be ‘daddy’. He even helped blow up all those teddy bear balloons!

Suddenly it feels like everything else could be hiding under deception too – does he really love dogs or was that just to impress me because I have two? Is his favourite colour really green or all just an act to match mine?

On one hand he told me himself which feels honest but on the other why did he wait so long? What else hasn’t he told me about himself? About ‘them’?

I truly care about Jeff – more than anyone before…we share interests in cooking (or trying), hiking (more like complaining while walking) and everything Wes Anderson. But now this whole situation has left my mind swimming with unknowns.

Am I selfish for feeling betrayed or should I show more understanding because – after all – it’s his child we’re talking about here?


The Raw And Honest Truth I Would Give To My Little Sis…

If you were my little sis, the first thing I’d tell you is that it’s completely okay to feel the way you’re feeling. Your emotions are valid and it’s normal to feel shocked, especially when someone drops a bomb like that. Especially so late into a relationship.

One important thing I want you to remember is that this doesn’t negate all the good times and experiences you’ve had together. The two of you share a bond, something deep and meaningful, so don’t let this sudden turn of events make it look like everything was fake.

Trust your feelings. But also, consider Jeff’s perspective. Having a child is not an easy topic to bring up. It could be fear or insecurity about how his past affects his new relationship with you led him to delay revealing this part of his life.

However, he should have told you sooner – no doubt about that! It’s crucial for both parties in any relationship to know what they’re getting into.

Honesty and communication are key pillars in any successful relationship. He did tell you eventually which shows he trusts and respects you enough – but it was too late.

Maybe he wasn’t sure how secure your relationship was earlier or maybe he lacked courage… but don’t give these as excuses for his action. They’re just possible reasons.

Subsequently, talk about it openly with Jeff – just have a serious heart-to-heart talk with him. You need to understand why he didn’t tell before – because honestly? That’s what matters most here now not necessarily the fact itself.

It’s also critical to remind yourself that this isn’t about whether having children from past relationships is right or wrong; It’s more about trusting each other enough to share even those aspects of our lives which we might think could drive people away.

So ask yourself: Do I trust him? Is there still respect for each other? Do we still love each other?

If after careful consideration, your answers lean more towards yes than no – then try finding ways together (you and Jeff) on how best this can work out because dating someone who has child involves more than just two hearts now.

But if trust feels irreparable right now then take some time away… Then reconsider if Jeff and ‘you guys’ are worth giving another chance.
Just remember: This decision must revolve around what makes YOU happy in long run because darling, at the end of day, it’s about YOU!

Let’s get a deeper analysis, though…

Decoding the Revelation: “My Boyfriend Just Told Me He Has a Child”

When your boyfriend turns around and tells you, out of the blue, that he has a child, it’s like being hit with a giant wave of emotions. A cocktail of surprise, confusion, worry and possibly even betrayal. You’re left gasping – trying to find your footing in this newly altered relationship landscape.

The Motivation Behind The Revelation

Let’s talk about why he might have chosen to share this information now. It could be that he has recently found out about his child or it could be that he was unsure how to tell you. It’s important not to jump into conclusions here; fears and insecurities can make us behave strangely at times.

He could also be sharing this information now because he sees a future with you and wants complete honesty. Ironically, as much as it might hurt, this revelation ironically indicates a certain level of trust.

All About Timing: Why Now?

The timing here is also crucial. Let’s imagine for a moment he just found out himself. The news is still fresh for him too; he’s likely grappling with his own flood of emotions – shock, perhaps guilt or fear.

On the other hand, if he had been aware for while but chose not to share until now – why? This delay might indicate his fear of losing you or simply being unsure about how you would react.

The Element Of Trust: A Breach Or An Act Of Faith?

Now let’s talk trust. Learning about such a significant part of his life after some time together may feel like a breach of trust.

However, consider the courage it takes to reveal something so personal and potentially damaging to someone whose opinion matters deeply.
In an odd way – him revealing this secret might actually be an act of deep trust towards you.

A Sudden Shift In Your Relationship Dynamic: But Not Necessarily A Bad One!

There’s no denying that there will be an immediate shift in your relationship dynamic. Of course there will! But don’t automatically assume it’ll all go pear-shaped.

Having children from past relationships isn’t unprecedented in today’s modern dating scene – which means your relationship isn’t doomed just because there is one more person in his life.

Your boyfriend having a child could potentially mean many things – ranging from minor adjustments to major commitments depending upon factors like the age and needs of the child.

And remember darling – adversity doesn’t break relationships; instead, it provides opportunities for them to grow stronger!

Just make sure throughout all this period of adjustment that both your needs are being met – communication is key here!

My Boyfriend Just Told Me He Has A Child: What Next?

What was said has been said… so what next?

1. Breathing Through the News

Wow, that’s quite a surprise for you. Truth is, these things happen in life, and all we can do is adapt and grow right? So first thing’s first: don’t panic. Breathe deep and give yourself a moment to let this news sink in.

Allow yourself to feel your emotions, whatever they may be – from shock to disappointment or even anger. It’s okay, you are human after all.

This isn’t exactly standard ‘meet his parents’ fare, but it does mean you’re getting to know him on a much deeper level.

2. Acknowledging Your Feelings

Your feelings matter here too! You’re part of this relationship equation and your emotions are valid. After calming yourself down, take some time to understand what you’re really feeling about this revelation.

You might find it helpful to write down your feelings or talk them out with a trusted friend or family member.

This will allow you to approach the situation with clarity and understanding.

3. The Conversation: Getting His Perspective

We’ve got your emotions sorted out, now let’s get his side of the story! It is important that you have an open-minded conversation about his child with him.

You need to know why he kept it from you; understanding the reasons behind his secrets can make things clearer for both of us moving forward.

4. Gauging Your Relationship Status

This step requires some introspection on your part: where do we stand in our relationship now? How serious are we? Can we handle this?

Your relationship needs honest communication more than ever right now. Evaluate how deep your feelings for him really are before making any major decisions about where this relationship goes.

5. Finding Out More About The Little One

If things aren’t too rocky after those initial discussions, maybe we can take that big step: meeting the kid! This could give us insights into who our partner is as a parent (a role he’ll continue playing whether or not we’re involved).

We might also get an idea of how he interacts with his child’s mother which can be quite enlightening.

6. Making the Decision: Stay or Go?

No one said adulting was easy right? Now comes the hardest part: Making a decision about whether or not this is something we can handle moving forward.

Determining if love truly conquers all; at least for us in our current circumstances. Note:No matter what decision you make remember that it’s OKAY if this isn’t something you want or expected!

You Might Need To Go In Another Direction…

The truth is, all relationships require work and continuous communication. I’ve been there, feeling like I’m struggling, but not knowing exactly why. What if I told you there’s a fun and interactive way to gain clarity on what you’re looking for in a relationship?

Meet the Dating Connect Card Game.

For me, this game isn’t just about having fun.

It’s a comprehensive guide that covers all aspects of dating, from that initial flutter in your stomach to the hard work of building a long-lasting relationship.

What I love about it is the range of questions and prompts. It’s like having a relationship coach right there on your coffee table.

But it’s not all just fun and games. This game is backed by science, incorporating techniques used in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), and mindfulness.

It pushes you to reflect on your own values, priorities, and preferences.

I’ve also found that in the process, I’ve gained a greater clarity about what I’m looking for in a partner and what I have to offer.

Here’s the best part…

With each game purchased, a part of the profits is donated to Feeding America. So while you’re discovering more about yourself and relationship, you’re also contributing to a good cause! 👌

Perfect for any occasion, I’ve found the Dating Connect Card Game to be the perfect gift for dads, boyfriends, and couples, whether it’s Father’s Day, an anniversary, or just a regular Tuesday. It’s more than just a game, it’s a tool for communication, a love language translator, and a heartfelt gesture, all in one neat package.

Further Advice…

Finding out that your boyfriend has a child can be shocking and might leave you feeling unsure about how to proceed. It’s important to remember that in such situations, open and honest communication is key. If you’re in need of advice on how to navigate through this unexpected revelation, these articles may be helpful.

Firstly, “My Boyfriend Told Me Too Much About His Past” could help you understand why he might have kept this a secret and it could give you a perspective on the possible reasons for his silence.

In addition, if there are other aspects of your relationship that you’re struggling with, like jealousy or miscommunication, these articles could be beneficial: “How To Deal With Jealousy In A Relationship” and “My Boyfriend Says Mean Things To Me”.

Finally, another must-read article is “My Way Or His Way? How To Balance Respect And Independence In A Relationship”. This can guide you on how to establish a balance between respect towards his past and maintaining your independence in the present relationship.

Navigating such complex emotional terrains can be tough but with the right guidance and support, one can effectively handle these situations.

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