What’s Up? What’s The Issue?
Hey there Soul Bonding Love Team,
Hope you’re enjoying your day so far. I’m not sure how to start this, it’s a bit awkward and I’ve never really written into something like this before. But here goes…
So, me and my boyfriend have been going out for close to two years now; it’s been great, but recently things have got a little shaky and honestly, quite confusing.
We’re both pretty independent people – in fact, that’s what drew us together in the first place. Two lone wolves finding companionship type of thing. We love our shared interests – music gigs, hiking trips – but we also respect that we each need our own space. That being said, lately…I’m not sure how to put this…but he’s been acting kind of weird.
A couple weeks ago he dropped a bombshell: He told me he was scared of me. I was taken aback—I mean wouldn’t you be? It came out of nowhere! We were just chilling at home when all of sudden he got serious and blurted out: “I’m scared of you”.
At first I laughed because I thought it was some sort of joke or something stupid like “I’m scared about how much I love you” stuff ya see on cheesy romance films…But nope! Real fear – his eyes said so much more than his words.
He couldn’t really explain why either. The only thing he could give me is that he felt overwhelmed by my assertiveness and the way I take control over situations sometimes. Now don’t get me wrong – I can be assertive yes; if plans are lazy or things are aimless – someone needs to step up right?
This all has left me feeling super disheartened and doubting myself – like should I change my personality? Should we even be together if me being myself makes him feel scared? Or maybe is there something else affecting him that neither of us can see yet?
I don’t want us to break up over this – but at the same time don’t know how to navigate through these feelings with him when even HE can’t understand them himself…
The Raw And Honest Truth I Would Give To My Little Sis…
If you were my little sis, I’d first tell you this: don’t doubt yourself. You are who you are, and if being assertive is part of your personality, then that’s just how it is. It doesn’t mean there’s something inherently wrong with you.
That being said, communication in a relationship is key. Your boyfriend has expressed that he feels scared because he perceives your assertiveness as overwhelming.
This might simply be due to his own personal fears or insecurities and not necessarily a flaw in your character. He may be projecting something onto you without realizing it.
Also consider the wording used… “Scared” is a strong word and might not fully encapsulate what he’s feeling. Could it instead be intimidation? Or anxiety? Dig deeper into these feelings with him if possible.
You can’t resolve this on your own, so encourage him to openly discuss his feelings without judgement or defensiveness from either of you. This could even be done through couples therapy – which is not just for married folks or those on the brink of breaking up, mind!
It’s also for understanding and navigating through complex emotions like these.
Remember though, you can’t control or change his emotions – only the way you react to them. So if despite trying to communicate and understand each other better things don’t change…well then maybe you need to consider whether this relationship suits both of your needs right now.
This isn’t about changing who you are, but more about growing from experiences as individuals AND as partners – learning how different behaviours affect one another and communicating effectively about it all.
This might feel harsh right now but let me tell ya – every relationship faces challenges; they either make us stronger together, teach us important stuff about ourselves or realize someone may not be the best fit for us after all.
In any case – remember that this hiccup isn’t necessarily fatal to your relationship. It’s confusing and painful right now, but these bumps can ultimately lead relationships into stronger places if faced head-on with love, understanding and good communication.
Don’t give up immediately; work at it together until its clear what’s best for both of ya kiddos! All big sis experience talking here 😉
Let’s get a deeper analysis, though…
Decoding His Fear
Firstly, breathe. Hearing that your partner is ‘scared’ of you can stir a whirlwind of emotions – confusion, hurt, even anger. But let’s take a step back and figure out what might really be going on here.
It’s likely that when your boyfriend says he is ‘scared’ of you, he doesn’t literally mean that he lives in fear of you physically hurting him (unless there are some serious issues at play – and if so, please seek professional advice).
Instead, the word ‘scared’ could be standing in for a number other feelings. It may be that he is feeling overwhelmed by the dynamics of your relationship, or perhaps intimidated by the serious commitment it involves.
The truth is many men struggle with articulating their emotions and often resort to simpler words like ‘scared’, which may not fully capture what they’re experiencing.
Digging into His Vulnerability
Your boyfriend’s admission takes a lot of vulnerability. It shows that rather than bottling up his fears or running away from them, he has chosen to lay them bare before you.
This suggests trust (he believes in your capacity to empathetically handle his vulnerability), and love (he cares enough about your relationship to not just sweep this under the rug).
Consider this an opportunity for both of you to deepen your emotional connection through being more open about inner fears and insecurities impacting your relationship.
Identifying Potential Fears
1. Fear of failing in his role: Modern dating complicates traditional gender roles making it challenging for some men who feel pressured to live up to expected norms such as being the primary provider or protector.
2. Fear of dependence: If his past relationships ended badly due to unhealthy dependency patterns then this could bring up fears around losing control over his life or identity.
3. Fear of emotional intimacy: Opening oneself emotionally can feel quite daunting as it carries risks- one’s deepest secrets could potentially be used against them causing emotional harm.
4.Fear of rejection or abandonment:This becomes particularly prominent if there have been instances where either one has threatened breakup during heated arguments.
Making space for Dialogue
Now we’ve started unravelling potential meanings behind his fear, it’s crucial that you open up a dialogue with him about these possibilities (ideally when both are calm). Be patient and invite him gently into conversation – remember he’s already feeling vulnerable having admitted his fear.
“I really appreciate your honesty about how you’re feeling in our relationship.”
Phrase questions openly:
“Can we talk more about what scares you? I want us both to feel safe together.”
Creating this type of safe conversational space allows genuine feelings and concerns to surface which is key in transforming any fear into deeper connection and understanding between both partners.
Remember: This isn’t just therapy; it’s also love – turning toward each other during tough times can foster resilience within relationships!
My Boyfriend Said He Is Scared Of Me: What Next?
What was said has been said… so what next?
1. Responding Calmly to His Fear
This is a tough situation, isn’t it? You’re probably feeling a whirlwind of emotions right now. But the first thing you need to do is take a deep breath and respond calmly.
Shouting or getting angry will only prove his point. Instead, show him that you can handle difficult conversations with maturity and grace. This is not just about what he said; it’s about how you react now.
2. Prompting an Open Conversation
We get it – having your boyfriend confess he’s scared of you can be shocking and hurtful. However, this might just be an opportunity for you both to have an open conversation about your feelings and fears.
Make sure that when talking, both of your voices are heard and respected.
3. Finding the Root Cause
This part may not be easy but finding out why he feels scared should be your next step. Ask him directly what caused such fear. The key here is to listen without judgement or trying to defend yourself prematurely.
Analyze his reasons carefully before responding.
4. Making Necessary Changes
Your boyfriend’s fear might stem from some of your actions or attitudes towards him rather than who you fundamentally are as a person. If this is the case, muster up the courage to acknowledge these behaviors at fault, apologize sincerely and commit yourself to adjust them for healthier dynamics.
5. Taking Time to Reflect
In case things get too heavy after having these conversations, take a breather!
It’s perfectly okay for both of you to take some time apart for individual reflections on what occurred during the conversation and how each one of you contributed towards it.
6. Maintaining Trust In Yourself
No matter the outcome of all this, remember – don’t beat yourself up! People make mistakes in relationships all the time; what matters most is learning from them.
Trust in yourself! You are capable of change if necessary, and mature enough to handle any relationship challenge thrown at you.
7. The Possibility Of Seeking Professional Help
If amid all these attempts there seems no resolution ,or things are getting worse, it might just be time to seek help from a professional counselor or therapist.
They can provide accurate advice based on their experience and professional training .Remember ,there ‘s no shame in seeking help; sometimes outside perspective can work wonders!
You Might Need To Go In Another Direction…
The truth is, all relationships require work and continuous communication. I’ve been there, feeling like I’m struggling, but not knowing exactly why. What if I told you there’s a fun and interactive way to gain clarity on what you’re looking for in a relationship?
Meet the Dating Connect Card Game.
For me, this game isn’t just about having fun.
It’s a comprehensive guide that covers all aspects of dating, from that initial flutter in your stomach to the hard work of building a long-lasting relationship.
What I love about it is the range of questions and prompts. It’s like having a relationship coach right there on your coffee table.
But it’s not all just fun and games. This game is backed by science, incorporating techniques used in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), and mindfulness.
It pushes you to reflect on your own values, priorities, and preferences.
I’ve also found that in the process, I’ve gained a greater clarity about what I’m looking for in a partner and what I have to offer.
Here’s the best part…
With each game purchased, a part of the profits is donated to Feeding America. So while you’re discovering more about yourself and relationship, you’re also contributing to a good cause! 👌
Perfect for any occasion, I’ve found the Dating Connect Card Game to be the perfect gift for dads, boyfriends, and couples, whether it’s Father’s Day, an anniversary, or just a regular Tuesday. It’s more than just a game, it’s a tool for communication, a love language translator, and a heartfelt gesture, all in one neat package.
Further Advice…
If your boyfriend is scared of you, it might be time to examine how you communicate in your relationship. Perhaps he feels that you are overly critical or harsh in your disagreements.
If this is the case, you may find our article on why my boyfriend says I complain too much helpful. This article offers tips on how to express your feelings in a constructive manner.
Moreover, understanding the root of this fear will play a significant role in correcting it. Could he be comparing you with his past relationships? If so, you might want to read this article about what to do when your boyfriend says you’re just like his ex.
The comparison might stem from unresolved issues from his past relationships which he is projecting onto your relationship.
Your boyfriend’s fear could also signal deeper issues like mental health problems or personal insecurities. If he often interprets normal situations as threats or feels like everyone is against him, our post on dealing with a boyfriend who thinks everyone is out to get him can provide insight and help.
Lastly, it’s vitally important for both partners in a relationship to feel loved and secure.
Therefore, if he doesn’t feel loved by you or isn’t expressing his love for you openly, check out our guide on what to do if my boyfriend doesn’t say ‘I love you’ anymore. This could give you some pointers as to why he might be feeling scared.
