What’s Up? What’s The Issue?
Dear Soul Bonding Love,
I’m writing to you today with something heavy on my heart, like so heavy it’s sinking. I’ve got this boyfriend, you see. He’s tall, charismatic and always the life of the party. We met at university and it was like an immediate connection—he made me feel really special, you know? I kinda felt like he understood me in ways no one else had before.
But things have been changing recently and not for the better. At first, when we’d argue about stuff—normal stuff like who’s turn to do dishes or what movie to watch—I started noticing that he’d get overly agitated. He overreacted a lot but would always apologise right after, blaming his stress from work or something else going on.
Things escalated though and recently he hit me during one of those heated moments…Like full-on struck me across the face…He said it was an accident and that his hand slipped but honestly, I’m not sure if I believe him anymore; it’s happened a couple of times now.
And yeah, he always apologises right after – saying how sorry he is, how much he loves me…even cries sometimes which just confuses everything even more for me because well…why would anyone who loves another person do that?
I’ve tried talking about it with him so many times already but every time we talk about this issue – Same old story: apologies followed by promises-vows-to-change-this-time-I-swear ™ – rinse-repeated ad nauseam…
So please advise why do guys behave this way? Is it possible for someone who strikes you out of anger actually love you??? I mean if they ‘loved’ you won’t they halt themselves somehow?
He says he loves me so much yet raises his hand against me! It’s beyond confusing… Shouldn’t love be soft-spoken whispers under starlit skies rather than harsh rebukes echoing off cold apartment walls?
Your advice could truly help breathe life into my hopelessly tangled mind…
Sincerely,
Drowning in Doubt
The Raw And Honest Truth I Would Give To My Little Sis…
If you were my little sis, or any dear one in my life, I’d ask you first to listen closely, because this is a matter of utmost importance.
Sweetheart, no love is worth the price of your safety. If someone hurts you physically (even once), that’s a glaring red flag. You’re right to question whether this behavior comes from a place of love because frankly—it doesn’t.
True love doesn’t cause pain and fear.
It’s understandable that you might be confused by his reactions. He seems remorseful afterward and even cries. But no matter how many times he says he’s sorry or promises to change—actions speak louder than words.
Don’t fall into the cycle of abuse—where periods of calm are interrupted by bouts of violence, then apologies and promises to change. It’s a vicious cycle, honey, one that rarely sees real change without professional intervention.
I highly recommend confiding in someone else about what’s happening—be it family, friends, or an external support agency dealing with domestic violence situations. You should not have to bear this burden alone.
Getting out of such relationships can be challenging—and maybe downright frightening—but it is imperative for your long-term wellbeing.
You are so much more than someone’s punching bag.
Remember nobody has the right to treat you poorly under any circumstances and if your boyfriend truly loved and respected you—he’d never raise his hand in anger against you.
Ultimately only YOU can decide what’s best for yourself but as your hypothetical big sis,I strongly suggest seeking help immediately. Love should feel safe—it should make us better people—not leave us walking on eggshells.
Stay strong darling! Remember how precious and deserving you are!<
Let’s get a deeper analysis, though…
Decoding the Painful Question: “Why Does My Boyfriend Hit Me If He Loves Me?”
Let’s be clear from the start – this isn’t a question anyone should ever have to ask themselves. But here we are, and it’s okay because you’re not alone in this. It may feel isolated, scary even, but there’s a community of people ready to help. Now, let’s break down what your question might signify.
“Why does he hit me?”
This part of your question demonstrates recognition that something is wrong in your relationship. You’re aware of the physical pain you’re experiencing and you’re trying to understand why it’s happening. However, it’s important for us to clarify that violence is not a normal or healthy part of any relationship.
“…if he loves me?”
You seem caught between an image of love painted by tender moments and the harsh reality of violence which contradicts those moments completely. You are grappling with the idea that someone who claims to love you can inflict physical harm upon you.
The Reality Check: Love Does Not Equal Abuse
It hurts me deeply knowing that I have to say this but here it goes – Real love does not involve abuse. Period! When someone truly loves you, they respect your individuality and well-being above all else – they don’t use violence as an outlet for their emotions.
What this person may be feeling towards you could be possessiveness or control rather than actual love – two things that are often mistaken for passion or intensity in relationships.
Taking Control: The Power Is In Your Hands!
Even though it may not seem like it right now when things appear foggy with confusion; remember, power is in your hands! How? By recognizing the situation for what it really is – abuse – and taking practical steps towards standing up against it like confiding in somebody trustworthy about what’s going on or reaching out to organizations designed specifically to help individuals in abusive relationships.
The Cycle Of Violence: Seeing Through The Illusion
Abusive relationships often follow a cyclical pattern where instances of violence are followed by periods of calm before eventually escalating again– this can create an illusionary sense of security making one believe that ‘Maybe things will get better’. Here’s where we need our gutsy girl power! It’s time we build our strength using facts rather than falling prey to misleading hopes.
Remember – A once violent person can revert back unless they’re genuinely committed towards changing their behaviour & willing to seek professional help AND actually making amends through actions rather than just sweet words!
Navigating through such complex emotional terrain can be tough, honey. But remember – every step you take toward understanding and getting out of an abusive relationship is a step toward liberating yourself from hurtful chains.
Why Does My Boyfriend Hit Me If He Loves Me: What Next?
What was said has been said… so what next?
Acknowledge That Love Doesn’t Equal Abuse
Firstly, if your boyfriend loves you, he should never hit you. Violence and love are two things that should never coexist in a relationship. Understand that abuse is not something that one needs to endure in a relationship, regardless of the circumstances. It is vital to remember, this type of abusive behaviour is not normal and it is very important you recognise this.
Explore resources such as books, online articles or counseling if you’re unsure about the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships.
Don’t Blame Yourself
It’s important to know that it’s never your fault. Many people wrongly assume they somehow caused their partner’s violent behavior by doing or saying something wrong. This is simply not true – violence isn’t acceptable under any circumstance.
Reach Out For Help
If you find yourself in an abusive relationship, reach out for help immediately. You deserve respect and love without threats or violence. Contact local authorities & organizations like National Domestic Violence Hotline for immediate help.
Talking it out with trusted friends may also provide some relief and clarity.
Educate Yourself on Coercive Control
Abuse isn’t just physical; it can be emotional and psychological too.Become informed about coercive control,
a pattern of behavior which seeks to take away a victim’s liberty or freedom, to strip away their sense of self.
Dealing With Emotional Trauma
Being hit by someone who supposedly loves us can inflict deep emotional trauma.
Counseling sessions, journaling your feelings, practicing self-care/exercises are some ways to start healing.
Create A Safety Plan
When caught up in abusive situations,a safety plan helps prepare for possible emergencies.
This may include keeping essentials packed, having emergency contacts on speed dial etc.
Breathe through Recovery
Healing is a process; it takes time but every step makes you stronger until one day you realise – You did beat this.
Finding peace again after abusive relationship takes time,and each person will manage their recovery differently.
You Might Need To Go In Another Direction…
The truth is, all relationships require work and continuous communication. I’ve been there, feeling like I’m struggling, but not knowing exactly why. What if I told you there’s a fun and interactive way to gain clarity on what you’re looking for in a relationship?
Meet the Dating Connect Card Game.
For me, this game isn’t just about having fun.
It’s a comprehensive guide that covers all aspects of dating, from that initial flutter in your stomach to the hard work of building a long-lasting relationship.
What I love about it is the range of questions and prompts. It’s like having a relationship coach right there on your coffee table.
But it’s not all just fun and games. This game is backed by science, incorporating techniques used in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), and mindfulness.
It pushes you to reflect on your own values, priorities, and preferences.
I’ve also found that in the process, I’ve gained a greater clarity about what I’m looking for in a partner and what I have to offer.
Here’s the best part…
With each game purchased, a part of the profits is donated to Feeding America. So while you’re discovering more about yourself and relationship, you’re also contributing to a good cause! 👌
Perfect for any occasion, I’ve found the Dating Connect Card Game to be the perfect gift for dads, boyfriends, and couples, whether it’s Father’s Day, an anniversary, or just a regular Tuesday. It’s more than just a game, it’s a tool for communication, a love language translator, and a heartfelt gesture, all in one neat package.
Further Advice…
Physical abuse is never a display of love or care. If you’re confused and asking “why does my boyfriend hit me if he loves me?” this might be a sign of an abusive relationship. It’s valuable to learn how to deal with such situations for your own safety and mental health.
One good place to start is this article, My boyfriend says mean things to me when we fight. This guide will help you understand the dynamics of hostile communication and how it impacts your relationship.
Feelings of possessiveness often co-exist with aggression. Explore that connection in this post: How to deal with jealousy in a relationship: What to do when your boyfriend says you’re too jealous.
Then for deeper insights into what these dynamics say about your relationship, read through My Boyfriend Said His Heart Isn’t In It Anymore. It can provide a broader outlook on why he might be acting violently.
Lastly, knowing your worth is crucial in such scenarios. Read the article: My Boyfriend Told Me Too Much About His Past. It may provide you with the strength and courage needed to make healthy decisions about your future.
Remember, no one deserves to be abused emotionally or physically, love should encourage growth, not fear or harm. Don’t hesitate to seek professional help if needed.
