What’s Up? What’s The Issue?
Hey Soul Bonding Love,
I’m at a bit of a loss right now and I hope you can help me. It’s my husband, Mike, you see. It has become more than clear that he has developed OCD and it’s starting to affect our marriage.
Mike was never like this before. He was the kind of guy who always presented his unique quirks that made him… well, him! But these quirks have now taken a form that I am failing to comprehend.
Of course, everyone likes their home neat and well-kept – so did we! But since the past few months, our house needs to be immaculate – as per Mike’s standards. He spends hours cleaning the same counter-top again and again or erasing some invisible smidge off the floor until his hands are raw from scrubbing.
Anything out of place rattles him now, every bit of dust is an affront. And when things aren’t up to his standard (which honestly they seldom are), he turns into a different person – anxious and irritable with obsessive thoughts that just won’t ease up unless he performs those exhausting rituals over and over again.
I’ve tried talking to him about it gently but it only leads to fights where he insists there’s no problem; I’m just blowing things out of proportion, he says. The thing is…there IS a problem, one that is claiming my happy-go-lucky guy slowly into an anxious shell who won’t share his worries.
Our relationship is strained because we spend most of our time in unnecessary cleaning sprees or comforting each other after horrific fights about them; there seems not enough time left for “us”.
It has become so bad now that I feel like I am living with a stranger. His obsessive thoughts are driving us apart and no matter how many times I try reasoning with him about getting help from professional mental health therapists/user psychologists/counselors/therapists—he just won’t consider it!
His aversion towards getting help stems from his upbringing where seeking mental health support was perceived as “weak” or even “crazy”. As much as we should be breaking such stigmas, they seem deeply rooted in Mike’s thought process.
Henceforth here I am writing this up while Mike scrubs the bathroom tiles for what must be the fourth time today already! Desperate times call for desperate measures though right?
I really love Mike but this situation feels hopeless at times. How do I convince him he needs help? How can our old normal blend into this new one?
I look forward to your insight on dealing with such issues…thanks for listening till here!
Love,
Desperately Seeking Sanity
The Raw And Honest Truth I Would Give To My Gal Pal or Sis…
Here’s what I will say:
Firstly, girl, you are not alone. OCD is a mental illness, and like any illness, it requires professional help. It’s clear Mike is suffering, but he’s not the only one; you are too.
Understand that his behavior is not about you. It’s not about your cleanliness or your home; it’s about his mind and how it is processing information.
Secondly, I know Mike’s been resistant to seeking professional help, but it can’t be you against him in this conversation. Express your concern from a place of love and worry for him, not from a place of irritation or frustration with his behavior.
Sit down when you both are calm and he’s not in the middle of his rituals. Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements, like “I feel lonely when we spend time cleaning instead of being together”.
Thirdly, explore online resources together. There are so many blogs, articles, and videos of people who’ve been through this and have now sought help and improved their quality of life significantly.
This can help him understand that OCD is more common than he thinks and that there’s nothing wrong with seeking help.
Lastly, remember that this is going to take time. It can be frustrating to see someone you love struggling and not taking the steps to get help. But sometimes, taking the first step towards seeking professional help is the hardest part.
You are strong. You are compassionate. And with some patience and understanding, you can help Mike see that he’s not weak or ‘crazy’ for needing support in this battle against OCD.
Stay strong, honey; things will get better. We’re all a little broken in one way or another, but with love, we can support each other through the hardest times.
Always here,
Your Agony Aunt
But that’s just my personal viewpoint. Let’s actually break it down for what it is.
It might provide you with some more context.
“My Husband Has Ocd And Won’t Get Help?”: The Breakdown
Breaking down your concern: “My husband has OCD and won’t get help.”
“My husband has OCD”
Here, you’re acknowledging that your spouse is coping with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). This is no small thing to be dealing with.
People with OCD often have recurring thoughts or fears (obsessions) that can cause them anxiety, and to cope with these feelings, they repeatedly perform certain behaviors or rituals (compulsions).
It’s incredibly tough to watch a loved one deal with such an issue; it can feel like you’re stuck in a never-ending cycle of worry and distress.
“…and won’t get help.”
This part of your concern implies that your husband is either in denial about his condition, afraid or reluctant to seek professional help. This might be due to various reasons: fear of stigma, apprehension about treatments, or maybe he believes he can manage his symptoms on his own.
His resistance could also stem from the very nature of OCD, which often makes people question their own perceptions.
Where you’re coming from: Love, Worry, Frustration
It’s clear that you love your partner deeply. You’re concerned for his wellbeing—physical and emotional—but at the same time, there’s also frustration bubbling underneath this concern.
You’re frustrated because he won’t seek assistance; you see him struggling but feel helpless because he refuses the very thing that might offer relief.
Your worry isn’t just about his health per se; it’s also affecting the dynamics of your relationship. As much as we want our partners to be our pillars, remember honey, they’re human too – dealing with their own strengths and weaknesses.
Your possible intent: Seeking Change
You want things to change for the better – for him and for both of you as a couple. However, it’s vital here not just wanting change but being prepared for what this entails i.e., patience and effort from both sides.
Change doesn’t happen overnight sweetheart. It’ll require time and understanding from you – lots & lots!
And him? He needs courage–Courage to accept professional help without feeling ashamed or less than anyone else.
Navigating through these troubled waters
With any mental health condition including OCD – awareness & acceptance is half the battle won! You’ve already done so well by recognizing it darling!
Now comes acceptance – Both yours & his – Acceptance towards himself as someone needing support & towards seeking help as a step not of weakness but bravery!
What ought we do then? Let’s focus on encouragement over insistence! Gently express how seeking therapy shows strength rather than anything negative. There’s no rush love; give him space while reassuring him about treatment plans being confidential if stigma worries him.
Take care not only about what messages are sent but how they’re delivered too – An empathetic tone helps more than criticism ever does!
Remember my dear reader- Maintaining open lines of communication will guide you through these challenges like nothing else will! Be patient as Rome wasn’t built in one day neither do changes take place overnight!
Lastly sweetie during all this don’t forget yourself! Seek support if feeling burdened– friends family counselors anyone who eases stress!
We’re all only humans grappling within our struggles– remember this when times get tough because darling everyone deserves peace every single one including YOU & HIM!
With Everything That’s Been Said & Done (Or Not Said And Not Done), What’s Next?
Recognizing the Struggles of Living with OCD
It’s never easy when the person you love is battling a problem like obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). It’s even harder when they refuse to seek help. You might find yourself overwhelmed with different emotions, from fear to frustration. But remember, it’s okay to experience this.
It’s important to acknowledge that you can’t make your husband seek help if he doesn’t want it. No matter how well-intentioned, forcing someone into therapy won’t yield positive results.
Maintaining Compassion in Challenging Times
In such difficult times, maintaining compassion towards your husband is crucial. Remember that his refusal isn’t about you; he may be afraid or perhaps in denial about his problems. It could stem from a place of fear or misunderstanding about what treatment entails.
In this turbulent period patience and understanding will go a long way.
Talking Openly and Honestly
Communication is key! Being honest yet compassionate about how his OCD is affecting you is essential. During these conversations, avoid blame and judgment.
Instead focus on expressing your feelings – not as criticism but as emotional honesty which can lead him towards seeking help.
Nudging Towards Professional Help
Encourage your husband gently towards seeking professional help. Provide him with information on treatments for OCD or suggest speaking with someone who has undergone therapy.
A gentle nudge rather than an aggressive push could prove more productive in getting him the help needed.
Finding Supportive Communities
Searching for communal support becomes necessary during tough times. Seek out local or online OCD support groups. These communities can provide advice based on their personal experiences and give guidance on coping mechanisms.
This shared wisdom can be empowering for both of you.
Taking Care of Your Own Mental Health
An important aspect often overlooked during such situations is self-care – looking after your own mental health.
You are not just a caregiver but also an individual who needs support too. Nurture yourself, speak to friends, take therapeutic support if required.
Maintaining Love, Patience & Persistence
It’s no secret that dealing with loved one’s mental health issues demands a lot of love, patience and persistence from our side.
You’ve got this! Persistently express love and support despite hurdles encountered.
Your consistent affection might just be the kindness he needs to finally accept professional assistance.
Need Some Relationship Thoughts? Write To Us!
Is your romantic life in a bit of a maze and you’re finding it hard to navigate your way? Maybe you’ve got a situation you’ve been pondering for ages, unsure of what to make of it. If you find yourself up at night, wrestling with a relationship query that has you stumped, we’re here to offer our loving but honest personal thoughts on your predicament.
We understand that sometimes you’re not looking for professional advice, but rather an empathetic ear and some thoughtful insights that can help you see your situation from a new angle. That’s exactly what we aim to provide—a fresh perspective to help you reflect on what you’re experiencing.
Just write in with your query, and we’ll share our individual viewpoints that are rooted in empathy, understanding, and genuine human experience. We don’t claim to have all the answers, nor do we pretend to be experts. We’re just here to offer our thoughts, one heart to another.
Whether it’s a first date dilemma, a ‘situationship‘ that you’re not sure how to navigate, or a long-term relationship hurdle, we’d love to offer our personal reflections.
If you’re dealing with a spouse who has untreated OCD, it can be incredibly stressful and isolating. Many people in your position have experienced similar challenges, such as spouses refusing to get help for their depression, which can negatively impact your relationship.
On top of dealing with untreated OCD, you may also find that your husband is not open to discussing his emotional wellbeing. This unwillingness to communicate might make you feel shut out and alone. Visiting this page on what to do when your husband won’t let you talk about your feelings could provide some valuable insights on how to navigate such circumstances.
One of the ways OCD can manifest is through extreme rigidity and control over one’s environment or daily routine, hence you might feel like he’s being overly controlling about trivial issues like not allowing you to decorate the house. Understanding that this compulsion might be a symptom of his condition could help in managing the situation.
Finally, if trying to get him help is causing you too much distress or affecting your own mental health, it might be time to consider seeking support for yourself. A good starting point could be learning more about what steps you can take if your husband won’t go to therapy. Keep in mind that taking care of yourself is just as important as helping him.
