Hey Soul Bonding Love, Boy, do I need some help. So here’s the thing – my girlfriend and I have been together for about two years now, and it’s mostly thrilling – a vibrant mix of romance, passion, laughter and Taco Tuesdays! But lately, things have been… confusing. It feels like she says one thing but then… she just does another! At first I thought maybe it was me. Maybe my crazy work schedule was putting me on edge. But the more I think about it, the clearer it becomes that something is off. We’ve always talked about getting a dog together. It would be our little buddy to cherish and we were both stoked with that idea. She was all gung-ho saying “Yes! We should totally get a dog!” Then out of nowhere she switches gears, claims we’re not ready for pet parenthood without much explanation other than “maybe one day” or “it’s a big responsibility”. Then there’s this recurrent concert issue as well. When her favorite band came into town last month and I hinted at buying tickets for us both as her birthday gift – she brushed it off casually claiming she had lost interest in outdoor events due to Covid19 scare. Yet just last week, when the same band announced another concert tour date there she was- first in line scoring VIP passes! I mean if you don’t want something from me or don’t feel ready to engage in certain activities together be straightforward right? I can handle straight-up rejection or disagreement way better than this mind-boggling behavior where she says one thing but does completely opposite! What am I missing? Is there something else going on with her? Is there anything you think might help me navigate this uncertainty? Desperately seeking clarity, Dazed_and_Confused
The Raw And Honest Truth I Would Give To My Friends Or Family Member…
Here’s what I’ll say, Dazed_and_Confused, You’ve got yourself in a bit of a pickle, haven’t you? Now, I’m not saying she’s doing anything wrong per se, but there’s definitely signs of inconsistency in her behavior.The first thing to point out is communication. Yes, it’s an old cliche, but understanding each other is vital in any relationship. It seems like there might be some wires being crossed here. Her actions don’t match her words and it’s leaving you pretty muddled.
When it comes to the dog situation, it might be that she’s feeling the pressure of taking care of another life. Maybe she thought she was ready but has since realized that it’s a lot more responsibility than she anticipated. It’s confusing for sure, but it sounds like she might be wrestling with some doubts.
As for the concert, well that’s a little harder to pin down. It could be that she was hesitant about attending an event due to the pandemic and got swept away by the excitement of seeing her favorite band live. Or it could be that she wants to maintain some independence in your relationship and do things on her own sometimes.
What you need to do now is have an open conversation with her about how you’re feeling. Don’t attack or accuse, just explain your anxieties and ask for her perspective. More often than not, we make things bigger in our heads than they actually are.
Secondly, try not to take these situations personally. It can be easy to fall into the trap of thinking these inconsistencies are about you when they might just be her own inner turmoil or even just indecisiveness.
Finally remember this: relationships are a journey. They’re full of twists, turns, and occasionally some confusing detours. But as long as you’re both willing to talk, listen, and understand, then there’s always a way through the maze.
Stay strong and remember, it’s all about communication and understanding. Good luck!
But, that’s just my personal viewpoint. I’ve asked an expert relationship coach to break it down for what it is.
It might provide you with some more context.
“My Girlfriend Says One Thing But Does Another”: Advice From A Relationship Coach
Alright, let’s break this down, shall we? When you’re saying your girlfriend is telling you one thing but doing another, it’s like she’s handing you a map to a treasure island but then paddling in the opposite direction. It can be confusing, frustrating, and make you question your compass—your trust. Communication inconsistency is what we’re dealing with here, and it’s a common theme in relationships.
Deciphering Mixed MessagesOkay, so what this actually means is that there’s a disconnect between her words and actions. She might say she values spending quality time together but then is constantly busy or preoccupied. Or perhaps she emphasizes honesty but seems evasive at times. This rift could stem from various reasons: fear of confrontation, not wanting to hurt feelings, or even internal confusion about her own wants and needs. The Intent Behind the Actions
What your girlfriend might be getting at – without even realizing it – could range from wanting to avoid conflict to subconsciously testing boundaries. People sometimes say what they believe their partner wants to hear in an attempt to keep the peace. But there’s also the possibility that she’s struggling with her own expectations versus reality—what she thinks she should want versus what she truly desires. Mind-Voice Dissonance
This essentially refers to when someone’s actions don’t match their verbal commitments; think of it as an internal tug-of-war. The cause could be internal conflict. Your girlfriend may have certain ideals or pressures that influence her words while her core emotions guide her actions differently.
Understanding Through Context
Context is king when dissecting behavioral patterns because actions often speak louder than words—but only if you’re tuning into the right frequency! Look at patterns over isolated incidents: Does her behavior contradict her words regularly or just in specific situations? This can shed light on underlying issues such as stress, external pressures, or personal dilemmas that need addressing.The Impact on Trust and Connection
Inconsistency can create cracks in the foundation of trust within any relationship. After all, trust is built on predictability and reliability; if those are missing pieces in your relationship puzzle, feelings of security can start slipping through those cracks. Tackling Communication Gaps TogetherWhen addressing this with your partner – remember empathy goes both ways! Approach these conversations with openness rather than accusations. Saying things like “I’ve noticed this pattern and I’m feeling confused; can we talk about it?” opens up a space for honest dialogue instead of putting up defensive walls.
Action Speaks Louder: Aligning Word With Deed
A key part here involves both parties working together toward consistency between communication and action. This isn’t just about calling out discrepancies; it’s equally important for both partners to reflect on how they contribute to mixed messages within the relationship dynamic. Let’s not forget about emotional conditions like anxiety or past traumas which may influence someone’s behavior unconsciously—these are aspects worth exploring together perhaps even with professional guidance if necessary. Moving Forward With Conscious AwarenessUltimately, fostering an environment where both parties feel safe enough to express their true thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or repercussion will pave the way for more aligned behaviors. Remember—the dance of relationships always requires two engaged partners moving rhythmically together through understanding each step. By keeping an eye out for these patterns early on and addressing them sincerely and constructively as they arise, couples stand a better chance at maintaining harmony between speech and action.
So hopefully by viewing these inconsistencies not just as problems but as opportunities for deeper connection and understanding within your relationship will lead you down a path where authenticity thrives—a path where saying aligns beautifully with doing.
With Everything That’s Been Said & Done (Or Alluded To 😬), What’s Next?
1. Time for a Heart-to-Heart
Clear communication is the cornerstone of any relationship, and it sounds like you’re craving some authentic talk. Suggest a cozy night in, just the two of you, with no distractions. Set the mood for openness, perhaps cooking dinner together to ease into the conversation naturally.When you feel settled and connected, gently bring up your concerns. Use “I” statements to express how her actions make you feel rather than accusing her of inconsistency. For example, “I felt confused when we discussed getting a dog and then there was a sudden change.” This method avoids placing blame and can help foster an environment where she might feel comfortable sharing her true feelings.
2. Reflect on Recent Changes
It’s also possible that your girlfriend’s behavior has changed due to recent life events or personal issues she hasn’t shared yet. During your heart-to-heart, ask open-ended questions about any changes or stressors she might be experiencing.“Have there been any new pressures on you lately?” or “How have you been feeling about us and life in general?” Such questions can prompt reflection and provide insights into her mindset that may explain the mixed signals.
3. Observe Non-Verbal Cues
While discussing these points, pay close attention to her body language and tone. They often convey more than words alone. Does she avoid eye contact? Is she fidgety? These signals may indicate discomfort with the topic at hand and could mean there’s more under the surface that needs addressing.Sensitivity to her non-verbal communication will guide you in understanding her true emotions during this conversation.
4. Share Your Desires Clearly
Clarity from both sides is key in a relationship; hence it’s important not only to hear her out but also to voice your own desires clearly. Articulate what you want from your relationship—whether it be commitment markers like getting a pet or enjoying shared experiences—and ask directly about hers.This isn’t just about problem-solving; it’s about aligning on what each of you values most in your partnership, which is essential for long-term happiness.
5. Consider Compromise Where Possible
Relationships often require compromise from both parties; after each expressing individual needs clearly, explore areas where flexibility might bring harmony back into your dynamic.If she feels hesitant about pet ownership due to current circumstances, discuss what conditions would need change for both of you to feel ready—maybe setting financial goals or scheduling adjustments first?
In terms of activities together, find out if there are alternative events she’d be comfortable attending now while keeping safety in mind during these Covid times.
6.Seek Common Ground in Activities & Values
Amidst this soul-searching talk, identify activities and values that still resonate strongly with both of you—like Taco Tuesdays! Reminiscing over shared joys can reignite connection while reminding each other why you fell for one another initially.Finding common ground helps reinforce mutual interests even amidst confusion elsewhere—it’s all part of navigating through uncertainty together as a team.
