Husband Won’t Listen To My Needs?

What’s Up? What’s The Issue?

Dear Soul Bonding Love,

I’m sitting here at work writing this email with the hope of getting some guidance. I’ve been married for almost 15 years now, and we’re blessed with two wonderful kids. My husband is a good man, hardworking provider for us and I know he loves us all dearly. But lately, I’ve been feeling more like a desperate housewife rather than the vibrant woman that I used to be.

You see, my issue is that my husband won’t listen to or acknowledge my needs. I feel tired — physically, mentally and emotionally — with the responsibilities of our home, career and children. It’s not that he doesn’t help out; he does his part in keeping our home safe and providers for us all… but most days it just feels like there’s no real emotional connection between us anymore.

When we first got married we were both full of dreams and aspirations for our future together. Now, it seems like we’re both stuck in an unspoken routine that revolves around work schedules, children’s school activities and endless household chores.

I have tried discussing how worn out I feel with him several times before but each time has ended up being a disappointment to me because he simply brushes it off as “part of life”. When that happens I feel dismissive about my own feelings — like they don’t matter…

I’ve also attempted to arrange weekly date nights hoping it will provide us some intimate time away from the kids where we could focus on US – reintroduce romance back into our relationship or at least give space where meaningful conversations could grow freely again… But every time we plan something, something always seems to crop up– one or other commitment takes precedence over our plans…again making me feel like myself or ‘us’ are low on his priority list.

Don’t get me wrong – I know relationships require active participation from both sides; being patient during rough patches is crucial too… Sure everyone has their own individual ways of showing affection but isn’t demonstrating your care through actions equally important?

For example – recently during a discussion over dinner about needing more help around the house (His share), He just shrugged off my concerns stating how it’s not really ‘that big’ of a deal if few things go undone…

This makes me wonder – when did taking care of each other’s needs stop mattering in love? Is expressing your frustrations so wrong? Or is ensuring your partner feels heard & valued too much to expect?

I find myself growing disillusioned every day – Not knowing what else to say or do next! So you see why any advice you can offer would mean so much!!

Hoping for brighter days,
An Exhausted Wife

The Raw And Honest Truth I Would Give To My Gal Pal or Sis…

Here’s what I will say, sweetheart:

Communication is key in any relationship. It sounds like you have communicated your feelings to your husband, but he isn’t fully understanding your needs. You should try to express these feelings once again, but do it in a calm and assertive manner.

Make sure to avoid blaming language, as it can make the other person defensive. Instead, use “I” statements to express how you feel. For instance, instead of saying “You never help around the house”, say “I feel overwhelmed with all these tasks and I need more help”.

You could also consider seeking professional help. When we’re stuck in a rut, sometimes it takes an outside perspective to see things clearly. A couples therapist could help facilitate healthy communication between you two and guide you through this rough patch.

Remember, it’s okay to ask for help! If the chores at home are too much for you alone, consider hiring a housekeeper or ask a family member to help with the kids. It does not make you any less of a wife or mother.

Self-care is vital. I know being a mother and a wife can seem like a 24/7 job, but remember that you are also a person with needs. Find time for yourself – read a book, get your nails done, take walks – whatever makes you feel good.

Romance doesn’t just mean date nights. Try finding small ways of connecting with your husband daily. Maybe you could develop a hobby together or simply spend some time talking about things other than work and kids.

Finally, patience is crucial. Change won’t happen overnight but if he loves you as much as you believe he does, he will listen and adjust his behavior over time.

I hope this helps! Stay strong, darling! Remember that recognizing the problem is half the battle won already. Continue working on your relationship and don’t forget to take care of yourself too.

Lots of Love,
Your Agony Aunt

But, that’s just my personal viewpoint. Let’s actually break it down for what it is.
It might provide you with some more context.

“Husband Won’t Listen To My Needs?”: The Breakdown

Interpreting “My Husband Won’t Listen To My Needs”

When you express that your “husband won’t listen to my needs”, it can imply a lot of different emotions. It suggests a feeling of disconnect, frustration, and even loneliness. And believe me, darling, those feelings are absolutely valid.

This phrase covers a wide range of issues from minor misunderstandings to significant emotional breaches. It could mean feeling unheard in basic day-to-day decisions or in the more complex realms concerning emotional support.

These feelings can result from ongoing patterns where your husband doesn’t value your input or doesn’t understand how you feel. It’s like he’s not tuned into the same frequency as you and it feels like he’s singing his own song without acknowledging yours.

The Core Issue: Emotional Disconnect

Underpinning this complaint is typically an issue of emotional disconnect. When we feel our partner isn’t listening to our needs, we’re essentially saying we don’t feel seen, heard or valued within the relationship.

This could stem from him not validating your feelings – brushing them off as insignificant or over-reacting when you share what’s bothering you. The essence here is the lack of empathy and understanding that leaves us feeling more alone than loved.

The Need For Effective Communication

One thing to consider darling is that men and women often communicate differently. Women tend to rely on verbal communication where men tend to act rather than talk. Now I’m not saying one way is better than the other! But these differences can sometimes cause misunderstanding.

Your husband might be thinking he’s meeting all your needs because he’s making decisions based on his perception of what those needs may be but failing miserably because he isn’t actually asking for your input.

Effective communication, therefore, becomes key in resolving this issue; expressing openly about how you feel when you think he isn’t paying heed to your needs and discussing ways both of you can work on it together.

Your Intent: A Desire For Connection & Respect

Your intent behind expressing this concern is clear – wanting better communication, a stronger connection with your partner and above all respecting each other’s individuality while being together.

It does not mean imposing ‘your rules’ onto him (and vice versa). But rather creating an environment where both parties have equal say because let’s face it love – relationships are work – they’re a constant give-and-take process.

So dear reader, I hope this breakdown has given some clarity about what ‘my husband won’t listen to my needs’ might look like and entail at its core.

With Everything That’s Been Said & Done (Or Not Said And Not Done), What’s Next?

Figuring Out What You Need

Something’s not quite right, and it’s time to figure out what’s going on. Are you feeling unheard or unimportant? Or is it something specific that your partner is not responding to? Take some time alone to identify your needs.

Recognize your feelings and thoughts about the situation without judging them. Remember, your needs are valid, even if it seems like they’re being overlooked. It’s crucial for a healthy relationship that both parties feel valued and heard.

The Art of Communication

Your voice matters, and it’s high time you made sure of this. Clear communication is the backbone of any relationship. Speak openly about how you’re feeling with your husband – remember, he isn’t a mind reader! Use I-statements, such as “I feel…” rather than “you make me feel…”. The latter may trigger defensiveness in him.

Taking The Lead In Discussions

Now that you’ve figured out what you need, take charge! Initiate a calm but serious conversation where you express how crucial these needs are to your emotional well-being. Keep in mind, this isn’t an indictment but an invitation for him to understand your perspective better.

Be firm but kind in communicating what you need from him.

Finding A Middle Ground Together

Everyone has different needs and expectations within relationships. It’s important not just to express your desires explicitly but also listen attentively to his. Striking a balance between both sets of needs can help create harmony within the relationship.

Remember, working towards a common ground will help both partners feel valued and heard.

Involve A Third Party If Necessary

If conversations aren’t effective or lead to more disagreements than resolutions, don’t be afraid to seek professional help together or individually with a counselor . Even if he doesn’t agree at first – let him know how important this step is for you – as well as for the health of your relationship.

Prioritize Self-Care

Having trouble getting through is stressful – no two ways about it! Amidst all this turmoil don’t forget yourself . Make self care part of your routine – do small things that make you happy every single day – after all if we’re not happy with ourselves we cannot bring happiness into our relationships .

Becoming Your Own Advocate

You have every right for your voice heard . Stand up for yourself – persuade articulate and negotiate until he starts acknowledging what’s important here – YOU! Wanting respect validation and understanding doesn’t mean demanding too much — these are all fundamental components of maintaining healthy relationships.

Communication is a cornerstone of any successful relationship, and when that communication breaks down, it can feel like you’re living with a stranger. If your husband isn’t listening to your needs, it might be helpful to read Soulbonding Love’s post on “why my husband won’t discuss our problems“. The article explores potential reasons for this behavior and offers suggestions on how to open up lines of conversation.

In addition to communication issues, you may be grappling with the reality that your husband is unresponsive to emotional intimacy. This could potentially manifest in him refusing to kiss you. To understand more about this behavior, check out the post “why won’t my husband kiss me?“. It delves into the possible psychological and emotional factors causing this disconnect.

Another issue can arise if your spouse is not willing to seek help for personal problems such as job dissatisfaction or mental health issues. Your situation may align with the experiences shared in “my husband hates his job but won’t quit” or “my husband is depressed and won’t get help“. These articles offer a fresh perspective and possible solutions for these complex issues.

Each of these resources aims to provide understanding and practical advice during these challenging times. Remember, taking steps towards resolution involves patience and understanding from both sides.