What’s Up? What’s The Issue?
Hey Soul Bonding Love,
I’ve been struggling with something lately and I could really use some advice.
I’m just your average schoolgirl: algebra, cheerleading, rock-and-roll loving kind of gal. I’ve got this boyfriend, Jake. We’ve been together for a year and a half; I know it might not seem like a lot to some people, but high school romance is intense. We are each other’s world in so many ways.
Anyway, last night we went on this cute little date in the park. It was all very going well until he started talking about college. Now, let me paint a picture here – Jake is super ambitious; AP classes, student council president… you get the idea. He’s already been accepted into his dream university on early decision; an Ivy-League school across the country.
Over our picnic dinner of PB&Js (his favorite), he told me his plans for our future together once he leaves for college next year – long-distance relationship and all that jazz.
Just between us? The very thought of long distance scares me out of my wits! However what scared me more were his high expectations from ‘our’ future – expectations that I don’t think align with my own dreams or aspirations.
In trying to be honest about how I felt about it all rather than just going along with what he wanted (like always), I told him about my fears and doubts… And you know what he said? He said he was “disappointed.”
That word sliced through the air like ice-cold wind on an autumn night! Just like that, my boyfriend had never seemed so distant despite sitting right in front of me.
Now every time that scene plays in my head over and over again… “I am disappointed”, “disappointed”…makes me feel small–smaller than those teeny molecules we study in Chemistry class!
Is it wrong to not want the same thing as him? Is it wrong to have different priorities or dreams?
Please help!
Love,
Lost-in-Love
The Raw And Honest Truth I Would Give To My Little Sis…
Dear Lost-in-Love,
If you were my little sis, first and foremost, I’d tell you to breathe. Just take a minute and breathe. This is part of growing up, part of being in a relationship, and part of navigating life. It’s okay to be confused or scared.
Next, let’s get one thing straight – it’s not wrong for you to have different dreams or priorities than Jake. Remember that it’s YOUR life we’re talking about here: your dreams, your aspirations. You can’t live your life based on someone else’s script.
Just like Jake has his own ambitions (you know — Ivy-League university), you also have the right to pursue your own passions that make you happy. Don’t ever feel like your needs or wants are less important.
What I would’ve wanted someone to tell me at your age is this: sometimes love isn’t enough and sacrificing everything for love doesn’t always guarantee happiness. A relationship should not hinder personal growth; rather it should contribute to it.
As for the whole ‘disappointment’ business – yes, it must’ve stung hard when he said that. It might seem like he was disappointed in you but remember this: disappointment often comes from unmet expectations. And these are HIS expectations— NOT yours.
Communication is key. Tell him honestly how his words affected you. If he respects and values ‘your’ place in his life; he will understand where you’re coming from.
If things don’t work out even after putting a sincere effort into communication then there’s something else I want my (hypothetical) little sister to know – breaking up isn’t the end of the world.
Remember – at the end of the day, what matters most is that you’re true to yourself.
You’ve got this!
Much Love,
Your Big Sis
Let’s get a deeper analysis, though…
The Gravity of Disappointment in a Relationship
So, your boyfriend has expressed that he’s disappointed in you. It’s disheartening to hear, but before we unravel the knots, just remember: This doesn’t spell the end for your relationship.
Unpacking the Meaning of ‘Disappointment’
Disappointment is a potent word. For someone to feel disappointment, there must have been an action or behaviour that didn’t meet expected standards. Hence, when your boyfriend admits he’s disappointed in you, it indicates there are misalignments between his expectations and your actions.
However, don’t be too hard on yourself. His disappointment can stem from a variety of reasons—from minor misunderstandings to deeper issues within himself or his perspective about relationships.
Parsing Through His Intent
When faced with this statement—“I’m disappointed in you”—it’s crucial to understand where he might be coming from. Is it an expression of unmet needs? Or maybe a reaction driven by his own emotional baggage?
Remember, his disappointment could also indicate a willingness to communicate and resolve issues instead of walking away.
Understanding Your Partner’s Perspective
In an attempt to understand what led him to this point, consider looking at things from his shoes. If possible, engage him in a conversation where both parties are comfortable enough to discuss their concerns honestly and openly.
His expectations might have been realistic or unrealistic—regardless, they were important enough for him that not meeting them led to feelings of disappointment.
Navigating Through Emotional Complexity Together
Now that we’ve analysed what might have led here—the difference between expectations and reality—it’s time for some problem-solving.
The first thing you should do is communicate earnestly with each other about these issues—because after all,‘communication’ is key in every relationship.
Finally (and perhaps most importantly), don’t forget about self-care during this time. It can be draining when someone close expresses disappointment; remember that it’s okay if everything doesn’t get solved instantly.
It takes two people working together—to voice their concerns openly and work towards mutual understanding—and one serious conversation won’t magically solve everything overnight. Patience will be your best friend here.
Remember: You were beautifully ‘you’ even before this relationship began and you continue being so irrespective of its future course – learning, growing and always striving for better understanding with your partner.
My Boyfriend Said He Is Disappointed In Me: What Next?
What was said has been said… so what next?
Processing Your Emotions: The Initial Shock
So, your boyfriend just expressed his disappointment in you. That’s a tough one to swallow! Before anything else, allow yourself some time to process this information. It’s normal to feel hurt, confused, and perhaps even a little defensive. Remember that everyone makes mistakes and none of us are perfect. Don’t rush into any big decisions at this moment; time can provide much-needed clarity. Use this time to listen to your feelings and take care of yourself.
Reflection Time: Analyzing the Situation
In cases like these, it can be helpful to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. Think about what occurred leading up to this point and try not only understanding where he is coming from but also whether or not you agree with it.
Your perspective matters too. Evaluate whether his disappointment is justified, or if it stems from an unreasonable expectation or misunderstanding.
Facing Reality: Justifying His Disappointment
If after some reflection, you agree with your boyfriend’s disappointment – that’s okay! Admitting our faults can be challenging but it’s the first step in growth. Don’t beat yourself up but instead focus on how you can improve.
Acknowledge your mistake, learn from it, and make efforts towards self-improvement.
The Other Side of the Coin: When His Disappointment Is Unjustified
Sometimes people express disappointment due to their own personal issues rather than because of something genuinely wrong. If after thoughtful analysis you think his disappointment is unfair or unwarranted,
this needs addressing too.
This could mean discussing about setting healthier boundaries or expectations within your relationship.
The Heart-to-Heart: Communicating Your Thoughts
Honest communication is crucial here – bottling up emotions won’t help in the long run. Express how you feel about what he said and share your thoughts as well as reflections regarding his concerns.
Tread carefully though; aim for open dialogue rather than heated argumentation.
Action Plan: Where Do We Go From Here?
These conversations might lead toward practical solutions on how both parties can move forward in a healthier way.
Possibly providing room for forgiveness, compromise or change.
Your action plan could include behavior modifications on both sides to ensure such disappointments don’t arise again.A healthy relationship allows room for growth together.
The Final Call: Deciding if This Relationship Is Worth It
We saved the hardest for last. If despite conversation and efforts towards resolution things remain tense –it could be time for reevaluation.
You need partners who uplift you rather than constantly bring you down with negativity.Your happiness matters!
You Might Need To Go In Another Direction…
The truth is, all relationships require work and continuous communication. I’ve been there, feeling like I’m struggling, but not knowing exactly why. What if I told you there’s a fun and interactive way to gain clarity on what you’re looking for in a relationship?
Meet the Dating Connect Card Game.
For me, this game isn’t just about having fun.
It’s a comprehensive guide that covers all aspects of dating, from that initial flutter in your stomach to the hard work of building a long-lasting relationship.
What I love about it is the range of questions and prompts. It’s like having a relationship coach right there on your coffee table.
But it’s not all just fun and games. This game is backed by science, incorporating techniques used in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), and mindfulness.
It pushes you to reflect on your own values, priorities, and preferences.
I’ve also found that in the process, I’ve gained a greater clarity about what I’m looking for in a partner and what I have to offer.
Here’s the best part…
With each game purchased, a part of the profits is donated to Feeding America. So while you’re discovering more about yourself and relationship, you’re also contributing to a good cause! 👌
Perfect for any occasion, I’ve found the Dating Connect Card Game to be the perfect gift for dads, boyfriends, and couples, whether it’s Father’s Day, an anniversary, or just a regular Tuesday. It’s more than just a game, it’s a tool for communication, a love language translator, and a heartfelt gesture, all in one neat package.
Further Advice…
In dealing with hurtful words from your boyfriend, it’s important to understand the reasoning behind them. If you’re feeling like he’s constantly belittling you and making you feel insignificant, read our article on what to do when your boyfriend says mean things to you.
At times, it might seem like he is unsupportive and doesn’t have faith in your abilities. This could be a deep-seated issue on his end which won’t necessarily reflect on who you are as a person. If he has ever told that no one else would want you, we invite you to read this article on how to react when your boyfriend says no one else would want you.
In case there are matters concerning the future of your relationship that worry you such as commitment issues or fear of taking the next step, our article on how to handle when your boyfriend says no to marriage may be helpful.
However, if he hurts with extreme words like claiming he hates you or despises things about you that can’t be changed overnight, peruse through our piece on what steps to take when your boyfriend says he hates you. This might provide insights into how best to deal with an emotionally challenging situation.
